Is everybody crazy?

Do you ever have those times where you are pretty convinced that everyone around you has lost their minds?

I am in the middle of one of those times right now. People making crazy choices, taking huge risks, people not thinking things through, rash decisions out the wazoo...

Then it makes me think about my senior year of college when things with John and I were coming to an end (for real) and I was really not in a good place emotionally and mentally and I was on the phone with my friend Wyndee who was in North Carolina at school and I was screaming, "I am not crazy! He is crazy!" at the very top of my lungs like a lunatic.

Over a year later (or even more), when everything was long back to normal for me, praise God, Wyndee told me that she made herself a mental note to one day tell me that I was indeed totally crazy on the phone that day, but just wasn't in the place to be told so right then.

That's where I think some of the I know folks are right now. Acting crazy, but not in the right place to be told so...

P.S. I have survived week one of doing my job PLUS E's job. Monday was a terrible day, really bad, but the week progressively got better. Four more work days to go! He comes back on Dec 8--YAY! Then I can get back to "normal," whatever that is. Thank you for your prayers and please keep them coming.

Also, please pray for my friend Gary (and his wife Claire--she sometimes posts comments here). Garys mom died suddenly of a blood clot this week. May God rest her soul.

Guess where I am?

I am sitting in the customer seating area of my Honda dealer, waiting for my car to finish getting an oil change. I randomly looked at the little sticker in the upper left corner of my windshield earlier this week and realized my car was about 800 miles overdue for an oil change. I had called my Honda dealer to see when they could take me, assuming they would have more openings on Friday than Saturday; however, as you can see, here I am on Saturday. I don't care, I'm just glad I am getting back on track. My dealer is kind enough to offer free Internet service at a little computer station for the customers while we wait. Talk about great multi-tasking for me!

I spoke to Jim briefly last night while he was driving and I filled him in on the plan for Christmas for the very little kids of my parish--we (well, technically, the kids in the youth group) are going to host a "Breakfast with Santa" event, but in an effort to try to help the kids remember WHY we celebrate Christmas the event is going to be called "Santa Presents...Breakfast With Baby Jesus." We will have the Baby Jesus in the manger from our large nativity scene set up in the room and will have the kids see Him and have a picture taken with Him (kind of like they do with Santa, but we still have to figure out the exact logistics of that). I know the little ones will still be more jazzed about hearing a big Santa yelling "Ho Ho Ho," but at least we are trying to instill a sense of meaning, which is more than I can say for some of their parents, but I digress.

I had a long talk with Cathi and Terry yesterday (two of my great older lady friends from my parish) and they feel like I may have to marry an older man in order to marry someone who is living the life I am trying to live. I don't disagree with them, to a point, but my Dad is only 59 years old for goodness sake, and I simply don't see myself being attracted to a man the same age as my dad or even very close to his age.

My consolation is that even if I have no idea that is in store for me in terms of a husband (or lack thereof) the Lord knows what the plan is. I have complete faith in that plan. He hasn't ever steered me wrong. I will continue to fight the good fight in His name. I know that I will never be punished for trying to live by the teachings of Mother Church, in fact, my life will be blessed, so I am content with what unfolds specifically designed for me.

God will not be outdone.

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I'll tell you one thing I am thankful for right now--the fact that today is the first day of a 4-day weekend. As I mentioned a time or two ago, the next 2 weeks at work are going to busy and challenging, so I am happy to have a few mindless days of nothing before it all begins. Although, truth be told, I think the fact that the busy time at work as a clear and definitive end to it makes a huge difference in my outlook, so I know I'll make it. Oh, and by the way, E did the right thing and finally told me where he is going on his vacation before we left work yesterday.

I went to mass this morning. I always try to go on Thanksgiving. If I can't give thanks to God for the countless blessings I have been given and am given every day on Thanksgiving day in particular, when else can I? Really and truly, that is what today is all about. Fr Pat kept up with what apparantly is a very old tradition of blessing bread after mass and then he distributed it (he kindly gave me 3 rolls so I can share them with my parents).

I am happy to be with my parents today--it's always just the 3 of us on Thanksgiving and we always wind up having a good time. It's very relaxed since it's just us and the food is good and we usually wind up yelling and laughing about various things. I will stop by a friend's house later tonight for dessert.

Mike Day was working at QVC yesterday, filming some of the Thanksgiving Day material in advance (product shots and the like). He is recently back from a trip to California (LA and south) and enjoyed it although it sounded like he saw more people than places. It was his first time there. Speaking of travels, I think a trip to Italy is a go for me in later 2007--it will likely be my parents, me, and Cathi and Terry (my friends from church).

I hope you are all with people you love today and I pray you will take some time to remember all of the blessings of the past year and give a word of thanks to God.

I found all of your old comments!!

Hello everyone!

Dumb me (aka blogging dope) just found all of the old comments that you guys posted and have been in the "holding area!" I have released them all, so please scroll through the past few old posts and read, read, read!!

Friday ramblings...

I hope everyone has had a great week.

On my end, all is really well. I am going for some annual blood work on Monday morning (I am taking the day off too!) so please pray for good/normal results. I have regular blood work done to monitor me because my dad has diabetes (and so did his dad). I appreciate your prayers, as always!

Work is going well. We are getting ready to come up on a busy period, because we have a couple of new people starting and I will likely be training one of them (which, after training and checking all of the work for upwards of 5 and 6 people at once during the consolidation of our production sites a year and a half ago, one new person on top of the one employee’s work that I still check is a dream!). However, E is getting ready to go on a 2-week vacation to an undisclosed location (he won’t tell me because he knows it drives me crazy. Does he have my number or what?!) and his workload is getting ready to change, so, in a sense, I will wind up doing his new journal for the 2 weeks he is gone. That alone is also not a huge deal and I will live. However, the start of his 2-week secret vacation coincides to the day of the new employees first day. Oh, and I am out of the office that very first day too. Ah, such are the joys of Management!

This weekend will be quiet (and a nice 3-day weekend at that). Next weekend is a marathon of running around like a lunatic with women’s group on Friday, my youth ministry certification class Saturday day, mass, a girl’s night with some of the girlfriends from high school on Saturday night, volunteering with my dad to deliver Thanksgiving dinner baskets to families in the town where my parents live on Sunday morning, and youth group Sunday night.

Life can never just naturally spread itself out, can it?

Oh, and an LC and Darryl update (they are the ones with the really mean, trouble-making neighbor below them). They are moving! LC’s parents are getting ready to retire in the next 2 years (LC’s mom has been a first grade teacher for many years, and should have retired long ago, but she loves it so much. She is basically being given a package in 2 years to make room for young blood). They have bought a house that went up for sale 5 doors away from LC’s sister (and 2 minutes away from where LC and Darryl currently live). So, since the parents are not yet ready to move from NY to CT, they told LC and Darryl to sell their condo and live in the house the parents bought for the next 2 years. LC and Darryl will have to contribute to the mortgage the amount they paid for their mortgage in the condo. It’s a great way for them to get out of a bad situation, the only bad side is that even in the 2 months since LC and Darryl last spoke to their realtor the price they can ask for the condo has dropped about ten thousand dollars. The housing market is really starting to tank, I guess. I barely know, I’ve been in my condo almost 10 years now, if anyone can believe that!

Have a safe and fun weekend! God bless!

Farewell Massachusetts Man...

I bid a fond farewell to my Massachusetts pen pal this morning. I thought about it all weekend and I felt it was really for the best. He was not surprised and I can’t say he disagreed.

As I stated in previous posts, he was a nice man with a lot of the qualities that I need to find in a future husband, if I am meant to marry (like living by all of the teachings of the Catholic Church--a partnership with someone who doesn't just wouldn't work, believe me, I have tried to compromise and it leads to disaster and resentment. I'd rather stay single and I mean that in all sincerity!). Believe it or not there are some guys out there that do live lives similar to what mine has been over the past several years--it’s just a matter of finding those guys, because they are few and far between, especially in today’s society!

However, in addition to those obviously critical similarities that we must have in order to be able to create a life together, there are also the other “regular” factors that come into play for two people getting to know each other, for example, am I attracted to him, do we share similar interests and goals, is he funny, etc.

We were on the same page exactly with all of the first area, in the second area it was more difficult to tell. As I had told you guys before, he was so kind and really genuine, but he really seemed to be quite serious. The fact that he was his mom’s sole caregiver (despite having 3 siblings, 2 of which were local) bothered me some. It came across to me that his older, married siblings took the fact that Massachusetts man (hereafter called MM) was unmarried for granted and expected him to bear the complete burden.

I am all for caring for our parents as they age—hey, they raised us—but, this situation was really not good. The mom clearly is suffering from some sort of Alzheimer’s/dementia and they are having trouble getting a doctor to diagnose her. My mom’s mom had Alzheimer’s and I know first-hand how hard it is to care for a person with that disease as it progresses and the patient declines. I am not sure how MM expects to be able to be his mother’s sole caregiver, work a job, and start and raise a family (having a family is his dream). He seems very resistant to relocation, due to his mother (and that being said, he needs to be more upfront about that, especially if he is going to be contacting women who are NOT in Massachusetts). Also, not to be completely selfish, but does a woman who is newly married and looking to start a family want to her have her elderly mother-in-law in the house with her? If I am being truthful, in this situation, I have to say that that I do not think so (but I think I am more inclined to say that because I didn’t really know MM, if I knew a man and loved him and knew his family and circumstances, I think I would/could feel differently about that situation—I’d never ask my husband to ditch his mom for me either, you know?)

Finally, MM never asked me anything of substance. He liked me on the surface—a cute photo and a great profile. He thought I was cute and he knew I was religious. I think he thought that was all it took and we can leave the rest to God. I like to try to leave a lot of the big things to God, but I also like to be an informed consumer! Find out more about me! Ask questions without asking too many questions? Find out about my life, my family, my friends, my job. Ask something. That’s how you really tell someone you are interested, no?

Today I ask that we pray for MM. That his mother get a firm diagnosis on her illness, that he get support and assistance in caring for her, and that the Lord, if it is His will that MM be married, send him a woman who lives locally who could fit in with his situation and be a supportive partner.

Being who we want to marry--revisited

I need to revisit this topic, mostly because it’s still coming up in discussions E and I have, most recently today.

There are great people in this world that feel they are “owed” a spouse. They feel that they are “good people” and since “everyone else” is married that they “deserve” to be married too. Note my really heavy use of quotes because the use of all of these words and phrases in their arguments are opinions.

Who says we’re “good people?” Who is included in the statement that “everyone else” is married? Why on Earth would you “deserve” a spouse (or fill in the blank with anything else you desire) more than any other person?

I’ll repeat my belief that you need to be the person you want to marry. You need to try to live the life that you wish to share with your partner while you are alone. Your partner is just that—your partner. Your partner is not your savior. Your partner cannot fix the defects in you or fill the empty, hurt places. They are not God.

Your partner can complement you certainly, your partner can enhance life and share burdens and joys—but you must be your own complete you first. You need to live life like you (and God) are going to be alone and fine real peace there. You have to find happiness there. You need to know joy there. You need to have peace of mind. You need to live the life God intends for YOU to live. You.

Then and only then will you be ready to share this blessed and full life with another person who was specially set apart for you.

Random odds and ends (part 5)

Of all of the posts that no one has commented on, I have to say the one that disappoints me the most is the one about good husbands versus good fathers. I’d really like to ask folks (especially the married lurkers who read this blog) to rethink whether or not they should comment on that post and decide that they should (and then post a comment here and let us know you did).

I found out today that Massachusetts man lives with his 78 year old mother who has some sort of dementia that they are still trying to diagnose (I knew about the dementia, but asked him who she lives with today). His other siblings are significantly older than him (he was a late in life surprise!) and he is her primary caregiver although some of the other siblings are around and do help. He seems to have no concerns about certain things like, who’s going to stay with his mother if and when he comes to see me (well, I assume he has no concerns about that since he can already quote me the price of a round trip plane ticket to Philly). One thing I admire about him is that he really does put his complete trust in God in ALL things. That is one thing that I can stand to learn from him on.

The Eagles are disappointing me. However, I have a newfound respect for the Giants and their great win against Dallas last night.

I heard a guy friend of mine got offended on some deep level that I went to the Nick Lachey concert. His offense was revealed only after Jeanine commented how good looking she thought Nick Lachey was in front of said friend and her husband Andy.

Another good thing in the long list of good things I have found about having the digital cable and On Demand is that MTV On Demand offers a couple of old Newlyweds episodes for my viewing pleasure at all times.

My Massachusetts penpal

I am still e-mailing the fellow that I met on Ave Maria Singles that I mentioned a little while ago. He still lives in Massachusetts. Not that I expected him to move in the past couple of weeks, but the distance still bothers me some.

I actually stopped e-mailing him for a little while. I let him know I was going to do so. Well, actually, he suggested I take a break to regroup since I was feeling overwhelmed with all my other stuff and was traveling and was sick and was feeling bad that I simply wasn’t having the time that I felt was needed to write this kind man some meaningful e-mails on any kind of regular basis. He told me that people get busy and get sick and that doesn’t mean we should stop corresponding but simply means that I need to get better and get back on track and try again. I appreciated his reaction. So, just this week we resumed our e-mailing.

We haven’t spoken yet and that is fine with me. I am not in any rush (hey, if I was in any kind of “rush” with my life, I’d have married somebody by this point!)

I have met a few other men online in my lifetime (but you guys know that in general I don’t really work the online dating thing very hard). I have only really gotten to know three of them and only met two of those three. I had a relationship with one of the two (that ended obviously!), but in all three cases I think we rushed to the phone and I believe there is something to be said for writing to one another for a healthy clip of time and get to see what the other person can put forward in a comfortable, safe environment where you have the opportunity to really compose your thoughts so that you have a little background and basis before talking to one another. I do think it allows for a more comfortable progression.

I feel decent about this guy (if I keep on corresponding with him we here are going to have to come up with something to call him so I don’t have to call him “this guy”), he seems to have many of the qualities I am looking for, but I am no fool either. I am not a person who believes you can have a boyfriend or girlfriend you have never been in the same room with. I do believe you can get to know a person without seeing him/her and you can begin to develop feelings for them through your e-mails and conversations, but those feelings and the actual relationship can really develop only after you share one another’s company.

Does anyone feel differently about this?

Does anyone have a story to share in this vein?

Train wrecks

Throughout my life I have sometimes been viewed in a negative light because I refuse to support people’s bad decisions.

Now let me be clear in what I am saying. I don’t support people’s bad decisions. That does not mean that I do not support my friends. It simply means that I will not stand by and support bad choices. I can’t pretend that a clearly awful choice is good, and I won’t. It’s simply not right.

I would want someone I care about to start yelling if a speeding train was about to hit me so that I could get out of the way. I do the same for my friends. They sometimes just don’t want to hear the yelling because that “train” is something that they don’t want to admit might hurt them. So be it. Grown adults are allowed to choose what they want to do. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still yell for them to get out of the way. And that doesn’t mean that I have to stand there and watch them get hit.

One thing people can’t call me is a fake. You always get the truth with me in one way or another. Some people (one person in particular who reads this blog is one of them from what I’ve heard, but it doesn’t bother me so please don’t feel weird!) like to say that I say what people want to hear. I don’t agree with that, but, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I love my friends. I support people. I pray for people. I can “get behind” a lot of kooky ideas if it’s something someone feels strongly about. I cannot get behind bad choices that will ultimately hurt the person I care about or others. I apologize to those of you who know that this applies to you, but you must know the truth.

As we near the end of 2006, I have to say that this year has been a pretty significant year of “cleaning house,” so to speak. I am not a person who believes that because you are friends with someone at one point in time that they are meant to be your friend forever. We must always assess the viability of relationships, their health, and their focus.

I have let go of people who just weren’t “with” me anymore. I wish them all nothing but the very best and every blessing from God. Believe that. It’s true. There is not one ounce of anger or bad blood, just release.

Do you have people who need to let go of? Any toxic relationships that just don’t bear the fruit they used to? Think about it, pray about it. You are allowed to say good-bye. That doesn’t make you a bad person, that doesn’t make you unholy. It makes you a real human being, who, at the end of the day, is doing something good for the both of you. Your energies will be better spent on yourself, your Lord, and the people who really need you.

All apologies...

Thanks to Jim for finally being the one to let me know that I had accidentally switched the comment enabler off and everyone was being told they had to be "approved" before their comments would go through. That should be fixed now, so comment away!!

No wonder I haven't had a single comment in so long!

If anyone notices anything weird again, please just e-mail me at the regular e-mail address to let me know! Thanks!

Oh, and Jim, I do still want to know about good husbands and fathers...

Caution--Work in progress!

I am realizing that I still have such a long way to go. I always tell people that I am one of the biggest works in progress that God has going and I think people often just think that I’m trying to be cute or falsely humble, but I’m really not. I mean it.

I still like to be in control too much. I like having all the answers.

See, I am the person that people come to for answers. I am the one who they seek out for advice. I love being a source of help and strength to others—it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life. However, when I don’t know something, I hate it. I don’t mean that in a know-it-all fact kind of way, but just in a general life process way. I don’t like not knowing what my future holds. The rub is that I am perfectly happy knowing the Lord has it all planned out and I am 100% confident that no matter what happens in the future, that the Lord will use every situation for my ultimate good, even if bad on the surface, but I still want to know what. I find tremendous joy in all that I have in the present. I just want to know what’s going to come in the future.

See? I still need to work on my relationship with God. God still needs to work on me.

I'll Take What's Left of Him...

Last Sunday Kathy and I went to her family’s house in Ocean City, NJ and spent the night. The weather was totally gorgeous and we had a good time. It was kind of a “last hurrah” weekend there and all of the boardwalk merchants had big sidewalk sales. We just walked up and down the length of the boardwalk and shopped. I actually got a few Christmas gifts out of the way! It was one of those days where I literally had not a care in the world. Time wasn’t important—I was totally focused on the moment I was in. It was really great.

The Eagles game started at 4 and we got back to the house in time to watch the first half. At the end of the first half the Eagles were losing by a few points but we have to leave to head into Atlantic City to see Nick Lachey.

On our way there, Kathy took me to see Lucy the Elephant in Margate. I had never heard of Lucy before (my family is a Cape May/Wildwood family, so I’ve never been to Margate) Lucy’s a big elephant that used to be a hotel and now you can take tours inside her and whatnot. It was weird, but interesting to see.

I was very excited to see my love Nick Lachey, however, once we were in our seats I realized I’d have to go right on waiting to see him because he had not one, but two opening acts. One of the opening acts was the “jilted Annie.” (She was cast as Annie on Broadway some years ago and then right before it opened she was replaced by her understudy. I believe she either planned to sue or did sue). Her name is Joanna, or, as I like to call her “Jo-Annie.” (I just love being corny!)
Finally, Nick came out. It was a good show—he even took us way back in time and sang a couple 98 Degrees songs. He congratulated us on the Eagles winning (I already knew they won because I text messaged Jarred to find out during one of the opening acts). The crowd was good, not many little girls at all—in fact I only saw one group of six little girls. (They surely didn’t know any of the 98 Degrees songs!) They were with four grown women (I guess some of the moms?). One of the women needed to be part of my shawl ministry I discussed a couple of months ago because her chest was almost completely exposed—not the best influence for six little girls, I wouldn’t imagine, but I’m going to try to not judge. It did catch mine and Kathy’s eye though—whether we wanted it to or not. I suppose that was her goal from the start anyway (well, maybe not to catch our eye, but to catch someone’s eye). There were a lot of mother/daughter duos (women around my age and their moms) and there were far more men than you would have ever imagined. There are lots of really good boyfriends and husbands out there!

Also, I just love The Office. I thought I would randomly throw that out there.

Have a great weekend!

Trying to catch up...

I am so many stories behind in talking to you guys! I can’t believe that I am just now finally getting around to telling you guys about my visit to CT to visit LC and Darryl. Time flies and I have been running around a lot, but in a much more relaxed way than a few weeks ago, for sure!

So, I came home from Chicago at 12:30 AM on a Friday morning. I was off that day and rested up and then by 9am the next day I had to be at my first class for my diocesan certification in youth ministry. The class was from 9am to 3:30pm and then directly from class I drove to CT.

I got to see the usual cast of characters and I loved it. Over the many years that I have known and loved LC, I have met all of her family and dear friends, so know them all very well. Something that totally warms my heart is the fact that LC’s friend from high school, Andria ALWAYS makes sure she gets to see me when I go visit. She drives a distance (now that LC is in CT and not in NY anymore) to spend time with me and I am just always so touched by that.

I got a glimpse of their mean neighbor. I literally ducked when I saw her because I didn’t want to risk her identifying me with LC and Darryl and slashing my tires too. What a coward move on my part!

We went to see LC’s sister and brother-in-law, their little girl Daniella, and their brand-new baby girl, Gabriella. I love seeing babies when they are brand-new. It’s a shame because Robin does all the hard work of delivering these babies and both of the girls look exactly like her husband. That figures! There is hope though because I looked like my mom when I was little and now as an adult I look like my dad, so the girls can change!

On Sunday while I was there, LC took me to my very first Yankees game. I got to see Yankees stadium and it was perfect. It wasn’t too warm and no one who had tickets around us showed up so we weren’t crowded or anything. It was raining the whole time we drove there, but then the sun came out and it was beautiful. I have a certain baseline level of interest in sports, but this baseball game did exponentially renew my interest in Derek Jeter!

The game was great alone time for LC and I to chat. After the game we went to her parent’s house and they took us out to dinner. Now that she is married and no longer lives near her parents I rarely get to see them, so that was a huge treat.

I drove home on Monday morning after rush hour was over. A great trip all the way around.

Next time, I have to tell you guys all about the Nick Lachey concert!

Today is my dear daddy’s 59th birthday. Please say a prayer for him today that he have good health and happiness.

Back and better than ever (sort of)

Usually I like to say to people that “I’m back and better than ever” when I see them or speak to them after an absence. The problem is that right now I am not feeling “better than ever” and I attribute it solely to the fact that E and I were sitting on planes going nowhere for hours on end (literally) during our trip to and from Chicago. I have a cold, and I never get sick, so I needed to find something to blame this on! I’m a little cranky right now.

(I also have a lot to say about my trip to visit LC and Darryl, which also occurred over the past week, but I’ll focus on Chicago here since that trip came first.)

We flew United and let me tell you that they have never been good to me in terms of timeliness. At the gate were told that the flight out to Chicago was on time. We all got on the plane and once we were seated and belted in we were told that our “wheels up” time was not for another hour and 20 minutes. If anything good was to be gained from us sitting in stale air with no ventilation or circulation all that time, was the fact that E and I were given the gift of a new catch phrase. We now use “wheels up” to refer to something good or cool behavior. On that flight, at least E and I were across the aisle from one another so we could talk and whatnot.

In Chicago, we stayed at a great hotel downtown. We had some light dinner and then we went out. E had researched where to go on a Wednesday night so we had some good leads. The first place we went to was closed. The second was dead, but the bartender there was very cool and he told us where we should go instead. He was Lithuanian, so E and he spoke a little bit of Russian to one another. We went to a place he told us about and we had a really good time. The next morning, we walked all around the downtown area and I really realized for the first time that they don’t call Chicago the “windy city” for nothing!

Our meeting went well, and then we were heading back to the airport. The same fellow who picked us up from the airport also drove us back. We were in a lot of traffic, so he and E spoke at length about music and it turns out that our driver was a pretty well known DJ named Lee Farmer.

Going home we ran into delays due to weather trouble back in Philly. Again we were trapped sitting on the still plane. This time, I was sitting behind E, so couldn’t speak to him. A Protestant pastor sat next to E and the two of them spoke almost literally without stopping, the entire way home. E wonders why he prays to God for a Jewish wife and all God gives him are Christians.

Does a good husband make a good father?

I have been thinking about the following for a while now and would love some feedback. Of my friends, I’d say about half of them are married and about half of them are still single. What I have observed over the years is that a lot of times, we are seeking out a great partner—someone who will be good us as a spouse and in the back of our minds we wonder what kind of parent they would be, but really have no way of knowing for sure.

I never really thought much about it when I saw folks getting married over the past several years, but I think about it more now that I see people having kids.

Does a good husband necessarily make for a good father? Does a good father necessarily make for a good husband?

I know that the answer to both questions above is sadly, no. What a disappointment that must be if you wind up with one and not the other. Which is more important at the end of the day? Should a woman be willing to sacrifice having a great husband for the sake of her kids? Should a woman have to bear the brunt of playing the role of both parents if her husband is a good husband but isn’t the greatest dad or disciplinarian we’ve ever seen? (Guys, of course this all goes for wives too, I’m just speaking from my point of view.)

Do you ever really get both--a great husband and a great father? It’s a valid question, I think, and something to think about. I have been, more and more…

Grey's Anatomy

Am I the only person on God's earth who could not care less about Grey's Anatomy?

Call me prudish if you will, but does no one else think twice about the fact that a nation full of women (and some men, for that matter) are rallying around a man who cheats on his wife (I do realize his wife cheated on him too, as I heard someone try to justify it on the radio this morning, but when did two wrongs start making a right?)? Not to mention the rest of the characters!

Are we all flawed? Of course!

Should we not judge? No!

But should we choose to rally around dysfunction? Should we make heroes out of adulterers?

That's my question for a Friday. I am sure some of you watch the show and if you enjoy the show, that's fine and I respect that. I am just curious about how you see things on the larger scale...

Does this mean I want us to go back to the days of Lassie? Not at all, but I just wouldn't classify an adulterer as "McDreamy..."

Random odds and ends (part 4)

I am a busy bee at work while I am trying to take care of as much as possible with the rest of my staff before E and I head to Chicago. Part of that is because right after the Chicago trip I have a day of rest and then I am heading to LC and DJs. On top of it, trying to motivate E to think about what he wants to do during our down time in Chicago is no easy task. He's far more laid back than I am.

While visiting LC and Darryl, LC is taking me to a Yankees game. It will be my first Yankees game ever. LC, on the other hand, is a die-hard fan. She has had season ticket packages for a number of years, although, as we get older and our responsibilities have become greater, she has subsequently gotten ticket packages for fewer total numbers of games. LC has already informed me that she never leaves games early (I tend to get bored easily) and that since it’s now Fall it likely will not be too warm sitting there all that time so I should be fine (she knows I despise being hot). This lady knows me very well. The upside is that LC is willing to talk during baseball games, so I won’t have to sit quietly. It will actually be great alone time for us to sit and catch up on everything we have going on with no Darryl (and that’s no offense to Darryl at all, but it’s nice to have “girl time!”)

LCs sister Robin also just gave birth to her second daughter on Sept 12 (the same day as Britney Spears’ new baby!), so I will get to meet the baby while she is still “brand new!”

I’d like to ask for everyone to keep Linda in prayer as she begins to look for a new job. She recently resigned from her current job, which offered her a pretty bad work environment where communication was low on everyone’s priority list, unfortunately. We also should pray for Jarred, who is on the verge of being diagnosed with strep throat for the third time in a relatively short period of time. If it is indeed strep, the doctor said they will want to take out his tonsils.

Helping new Catholics/Helping myself

I am helping out with the RCIA program at my parish this year and we met for the first time on Monday. RCIA stands for Rite for the Initiation for Christian Adults and is the process that interested individuals undertake to become a Catholic. It’s a fairly long process; the amount of time a person will have to attend RCIA really depends on the person and the priest or other person teaching the classes.

Most people (at least in my parish) who begin RCIA now will be able to become a member of the Church at the Easter Vigil mass next year (provided they are not waiting for annulments, etc). This year, so far, we have two women who were baptized and received first Holy Communion, but who were never were confirmed; so no real "converts." We’ll see who else comes on board before our pastor closes the class for new people in October or so. I have long admired people who convert to Catholicism because they "choose" it and they wind up being very knowledgable due to the process and the study.

My pastor is teaching the classes and I really enjoy listening to him. He knows the teachings of the Church and Church history VERY well and is a good teacher. Although I already know a lot of what he is teaching I really feel like I can’t hear it enough. It ingrains it more in my mind and helps to make my discussing it with others easier and more natural. God willing, I will be attending the class every Monday. My friends Cathi and Terry are attending the class as well (Terry has helped with RCIA for the past several years) and I think my main function will wind up just being another “student” to help the two women taking the class who don’t know anyone or perhaps don’t know a lot about the Church feel more comfortable. One of the women in the class is around my age, so I think it may help her to see someone her own age is a part of this as well.

I am happy to report that I have essentially totally cleared my schedule for this weekend so that I can catch up on needed rest. I had meetings every night this week and we have a youth group meeting with the teens on Sunday night so I need my time to decompress and stop having to “think” and “do.” As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I have been struggling with being spread a little too thin recently and have been making some decisions about what leadership roles I need to let go of in order to be able to have “me” time. I have let appropriate parties know, so I should slowly start to see a sense of normalcy return. Whatever that is!

Have a great weekend everyone! God bless you.

Skiing (or lack thereof)...

Today’s post was borne out of the fact that I woke up around 4am this morning (I fell back to sleep within a half hour) and this funny memory came into my mind. Steph will enjoy it because she was a part of it.

I have only skied once in my life. It was my sophomore year of college and a group of us went with a day trip sponsored through our campus.

I had never skied before and neither had Steph. Therefore, once we got all of our gear we took the little lesson they give all of the beginners. It did not do us much good because right after the lesson, as we tried to “walk” away on our skis, we both immediately fell down. We lay in the snow, on our backs like two turtles, and just laughed and laughed. We laughed so hard that we could not get up. People just proceeded to go around us and ignore us, but then finally, one of the guys on the trip with us came up to us (his name was Sergio) and looked at us with a look of disgust/pity and helped us both get back on our feet/skis.

We finally managed to get to the ski lift, which we took to the top of the bunny mountain. As any of you who ski know, when you get to the top of the mountain the lift just kind of “drops” you off. Well, when we got dropped off the two of us wound up on our butts again, laughing and laughing. People getting off of the lift that were behind us had to maneuver themselves around us. What a disaster we were, but I really remember just laughing so hard I was crying.

Luckily, we managed to get ourselves up that time and then we approached the top of the mountain. For me, my first run was total trial by fire because as I stood at the top of the slope, looking down, I began to slide down the mountain and I just wound up “skiing” (if you can even call it that), screaming at the top of my lungs, down the mountain. I was completely out of control. After the first hundred feet or so, I fell, both skis came off, my poles flew in opposite directions, and my earmuffs flew in another. I looked like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls away the football as he’s trying to kick it and he flies in the air and everything flies off of him and he winds up in his underwear.

I gathered everything up, put it back on, and proceeded down the mountain for another hundred feet until the same thing happened again. I proceed to do this the entire way down the mountain until I reached the bottom. I had no idea where Stephanie was at that point!

I eventually got a little better as the day went on, but never enjoyed myself. I don’t like the “out of control” feeling. Funny thing is, I did snowboard years later, and I did like that more—I think because I had both feet on one board as opposed to two feet on two!

Back to school time!

Here is a cute back-to-school picture of my very good friend that lives in Ohio--he's the son of my other very good friend Trish--both of whom you've read about before. He was very excited for the first day of school, as you can see!

I LOVE this time of year--when the heat starts to subside and it gets darker earlier. I love it!

I was wondering if any of you are familiar with downtown Chicago, and if so, if you could recommend a restaurant for E and I when we are there at the end of the month. I have been to Chicago a handful of times for business over the years, but never really in the actual "downtown" area. Let me know!

Itsy bitsy spider...

You know what I realized, dear readers? No offense, but I’m not doing this blog thing for any of you. I’m doing this for me and the Lord.

That said, I am back and I got great news that Jim’s mom is on the mend and that, in fact, her lung is in even better shape than it was when she first entered the hospital. Thank you for your prayers.

When Jim e-mailed me that good news, he also e-mailed me this experience he had with a spider the other day. I asked him if I could share it with you all and he said yes. It’s something to think about. So, in his own words, here we go:

I was sitting outside doing work since my computer was not working right and I had to do the work the old way of paper and pen. As I was sitting there working I saw this spider start to make his web. Every so often I would stop working and watch him make his web. It got to the point where I just stopped working and was just watching him and it was just so fascinating to watch and I thought how smart because he was making the web right by the light where the bugs were flying around. He finished up and the web was perfect. Then he took his spot in the middle. Ok so back to work I go.

But then a group of 3 pine needles fell into his web and he got scared and backed off, but went back to the center of the web... Then after a minute he slowly started to go down to where they landed and I thought howsad that his web was damaged and that he was stupid because I thought he was trying to spin a web around them thinking they were food but then I noticed that he was trying to get them off the web.

They were about 4 times his size but he kept working on them and moving them and then I saw him cut part of the web and after a bit they fell from the web and he went back to the center of the web and I was thinking “why are you not fixing the web you stupid bug. You have a couple of big holes in your web.” So again back to work because I was annoyed at the spider and was not going to give it any more attention.

Now I saw from the corner of my eye the spider going back to where the holes were and he was fixing them. He fixed them and the web looked great again and you couldn't really tell there were ever holes...

I learned something from this spider.... Life, to me, is made up of all connections and how each part of life is built on the life lived right before it. Just as each part of a web. But what got me was that when the pine needles fell in he took a bit of time, saw that they didn’t belong and got rid of them.

He had no problem doing it.... He didn't think and think about it... That is something that we should do with our lives. When we see that something really doesn't belong there anymore or it is causing problems we should go right to where the problem is, face it, and if need be cut it out of our life. It can be anything, maybe a habit that isn't good, a bad relationship, something that takes us from God, pulls us from our faith, whatever...

Then he didn't just fix the broken part of the web but first went back to the center and then fixed it. We need to do the same.. We need to go back and center ourselves after something or someone cause a problem or when we feel our life is broken. Go, center ourselves with God and crew . Then go and deal with what part of our life that is in need of repair. Just as the web could be fixed, so can our lives. We just have to center ourselves and then go to fix and heal what is needed.

You never know when you may learn a lesson about life but, as I found tonight, it doesn't always come from a book but by just living a life and not closing yourself off from it, lessons can be learned..

Taking a breather...

I've decided that I'm going to take a breather from posting in order to give you guys a chance to think about and catch up on the last few posts. "Being the person you want to marry" alone should have sparked something--whether you're married or single!!

I'm just simply not getting the "back and forth" I am hoping for here and am feeling frustrated. The relationship just isn't reciprocal. I'm feeling used :)

Everyone loves the blog, but only 3 people post comments. Come on secret readers--you know who you are. Let's give it a try folks! All of my readers are very intelligent thinkers. Give me something to think about...

Wasting our time...

My friend Jim called me on Friday night and we spoke for a couple of hours. I hadn’t talked to him in a while and we caught up all the way around. All was well.

Then, on Saturday, I received a text message from him that his mother had a heart attack and was taken away in an ambulance. As of right now she is stable but she may need to have a portion of one of her lungs removed. Please keep her in your prayers.

Things can change very quickly. When things do change, it’s often just that way—very quickly. Do you ever think about that? The crazy things that alter our lives are very rarely the things that we think will happen. The million or so “what if” scenarios that we play out in our minds very rarely, if ever, come to fruition. It’s the things that suddenly occur on a random Thursday that catch us totally off guard and throw us into a tailspin.

If this is the case, then why do we worry so much? If the things that we worry about so rarely come to pass, then why do we continue to waste so much time?

When I figure out the answer to this I will let you know. If you know the answer, please share it with the rest of us!

Give yourself a break!

I am very much looking forward to some rest and relaxation this weekend, and the rainy, windy, and cool weather we are expecting will only help support me in my efforts. I am a very busy lady on the day to day. I have a full-time career by day. When I am not working, among other things, I am very tied to my parish, helping with RCIA (a new endeavor of mine!), being a youth group leader, being an extraordinary minister of holy communion at mass sometimes, attending my weekly hour of adoration, etc. On top of this, I need to find time to squeeze in at least some physical activity, errand running, dinners with friends to catch up, etc.

Why am I listing out my calendar of events for you? Because last night I simply went and got a haircut. After work I drove to the new salon that my friend Liz works at and I got a haircut. That’s it--nothing earth shattering, just something nice for me. After the haircut I went home. No errands to run, nothing to go pick up. I got changed into my PJs and sat in front of the TV and literally had a great time.

Despite what the world may tell us about being "active" and "on the go" and "out and about" and fabulous, regular rest and relaxation are needed--not suggested, but necessary. We all need a day of rest, a Sabbath. Because if we give and give and we never recharge then we will not have anything left to give. Our tank will be on "empty." Sometimes I feel guilty if I lay around. Sometimes I wonder why I don’t have anything to do on a particular day (completely ignoring the fact that the other 6 days of the week I was running around like a lunatic). More and more I find myself saying YAY when I have nothing to do. More and more I realize that I need to allow myself to receive as much as I give, even though I hate receiving and am often uncomfortable with it. We all need to give ourselves a much needed break whenever we need one (and even when we don’t “need” one). Let’s spend this Labor Day weekend completely allowing ourselves to rest, relax, recover, recharge, and anything else with an “r” you want to do :)

Being who we want to marry and other thoughts...

A couple not-so-interrelated topics today…

I am going to share a portion of an e-mail that I sent a man that I recently started e-mailing. For those of you who don’t know, I belong to an online dating service for devout Catholics called Ave Maria Singles. I have met some pretty nice people there, but so many live far away and the geographical issues always stop me from really wanting to get too serious with someone who lives far away. However, on the other hand, I’m not likely going to find a devout, truly orthodox Catholic man sitting next to me on the train or on the street corner, so I do struggle with the issue of if I do decide that I REALLY want to be married then I am REALLY going to have to work at it, hard.

E and I discussed this exact topic yesterday. He had attended his cousin’s wedding Tuesday night up in Brooklyn. It was a true Orthodox Jewish wedding and being there made him start to think more about what he has to do to achieve his goals. When he and I discuss things like this, I always drive home my strong opinion that we have to be the people we want to marry—live our lives like the people we want to marry—before we can expect to find and marry these people. Our spouse should not be given the difficult job of making us holy (you can replace any other word with "holy" as it applies to your life). We have to strive for holiness for ourselves first. Yes, I would agree that if you find a like-minded spouse you can and should be a team that works together to keep each other on the right track and go deeper in your holiness, but you have to be able to do it alone before you “team up” with someone.

The gentleman I am e-mailing had liked some of the things I said in a recent e-mail and he told me that he finds me remarkable. When I wrote this reply to him, I knew this was a thought that I wanted to share with everyone else. Here is is:

I'm no more remarkable or amazing than anyone else who is trying to allow the Lord to lead their lives, but thank you :) The trouble is, too many people still don't know how remarkable and amazing they can be if they would allow God to love them as much as He is trying to. He created us all the same, so we all have that same potential "built in." The one thing that I always say when I give my witness to groups is that the greatest blessing of all in the course of my coming to know, understand, and try to live by all of the teachings of the Church is that I feel so lucky to have been called by God (and somehow managed to hear him!) at such a young age so that I can now live the rest of my life serving God. It's really an exciting proposition.

That truly is the greatest joy and blessing in my life—that I came to really know and want to serve God when I was still in my 20s! Just thinking about this makes me want to start clapping my hands and stomping my feet! With that gift comes great responsibility, however, because yes, it’s more years to bask in God’s love but it’s also more years to work, work, work for the kingdom.

The Lord asks, “Whom shall I send? Who will go for me?”

“Here I am, Lord! Send me!”

Random odds and ends (part 3)

Lots of little things today--nothing too long or very well-formed I'm afraid...

As you all have seen or heard by now I am sure, the man who claimed to kill little Jon-Benet Ramsey 10 years ago was NOT a DNA match with the crime scene DNA. Sigh. I sigh even though I knew it wouldn't be a match from the word go.

I got an e-mail from Trish in Ohio this morning and she asked how my mom was doing. She said she had been waiting for me to post an update here and wasn't seeing one...I think part of the reason I hadn't posted more is because mom is doing so well I don't want to talk about it too loudly! That's dumb of me though, because I should be speaking about it VERY loudly and thanking God! Mom is really doing great--she's up and around like normal and she's even back in the pool! She is feeling really good (although my parents and all of their friends in the development are sad because Monday is the last day for the pool until next year. When I tell you they act like a bunch of little kids in that pool I am not kidding!). Thanks again for all of your prayers. My mom thanks you too.

E and I have booked our business trip. We're going to Chicago at the end of September. It remains to be seen whether we will need to check our luggage or we can just carry on...I guess it will all depend on what we're bringing. I am also going to see LC and DJ at the end of September.

I hope everyone has something nice and relaxing planned for the upcoming long Labor Day weekend. I am going to a party on Sunday (thank goodness not a BBQ, since it's supposed to rain here!) and I need to figure out when I am going to take Matt out because he turns the big 3-0 on Monday!

Love you guys.

Still maintaining...

I was sure that more folks would chime in on the last post. I think we can all really look at ourselves and how much we "maintain."

In any event, the reason why I held off on posting anything else was because I wanted Jermaine to post his comments. You see, Jermaine sent me a long e-mail after he read Thursday's post and I told him that I wanted everyone else to read what he had to say (not just me) so I asked him to post the e-mail as a comment. Since he is in the middle of moving and everying else, I am going to post his thoughts as a follow-up post. I know that I have his permission (I say that so that the rest of you won't be afraid I'll ever post your e-mails without your OK first!)

Jermaine wrote:

Thanks for including me in your blog today. The whole time I was reading your email I kept hearing the voice of Reverend Run from MTV's RUNS HOUSE. At the end of every episode he types into his blackberry his thoughts for the day. Weird.

This might sound strange but even though I wrote that line for you, "I love you for always loving me," when I read it this time around I thought it could be one of my new prayers to God. "Thank you Lord For loving me even though I haven't made it easy for you at times." Or "I Love you Lord For Always Loving Me." I can honestly say that I know what that means because there were times in the past when I was partying too hard and fast and even in the midst of ALL that.... the Lord loved me enough to spare my life, my sanity, and health. God is Awesome. So thank you for including that line on the blog.

The Jehovah witness thing was funny... and I do remember saying that.

I must say your question is interesting...("Come to think of it, is that all I'm doing? Maintaining?") but it doesn't apply to you. Someone who is maintaining is someone who is holding on, existing but not living. To me, You don't fit that mold. You are living and loving God and in return he is blessing you in ways you have yet to discover. I think that even if you feel you might be maintaining that that is a perfect opportunity to Thank God for Keeping you, preserving you, and not letting the enemy take you under. There is a line from a song we sing at church that says:

I love to praise You, through the good and the bad/ I'll praise You, whether happy or sad/I'll praise you in ALL that I go thru/ because Praise is what I do. I owe it all to YOU.

I say all this to say that in the good times and bad and even in those "maintaining" times Praise Him and He will honor your praise.

Jermaine made me feel better about what I see as maintaining. More than that, he gave me another perspective on the fruits of the ways that I try to love and serve God.

That's another reason why we're all here--to support one another. Support is one of the most important gifts we can give one another. Support has many definitions. Today, let's think about the ways we give and receive support. I bet you support people in ways that you don't even see as support.

I love the way life works!

Maintenance...

Before I get down to today’s business I am happy to report that Mike D. got the job at QVC. I am not really sure how he is going to be able to transfer a 30% discount to me, but we are certainly going to try to if it’s legal!

In adoration last night I was alone with the Lord for almost the entire hour. I did a lot of singing, and I thought about you guys and prayed for all of you while I was doing so.

I got an e-mail from Jermaine earlier in the week (he went to college with me and a lot of folks from home know him too, especially from my birthday party a few years back when he worked as the bouncer in the “VIP room”--my master bedroom upstairs, where some of the party overflow hung out and danced). There’s a lot of change going on on his end—a new job, he and his brothers are moving, and so on. I let him know in response that I really hate change. There was something that he wrote at the end of the e-mail that made me think. He said:

I love you and thank you for always loving me. I know I have not made that easy at times. How are you doing? What is 2006-2007 going to look like for Lori?

It made me think first about all the people who love me that I don’t always make it easy for. (That includes you Lord!) I need to try to start to have just a fraction of the patience that God has with me with other people. When I really think about this, I can literally see how my life could change. I want that.

Then, it also made me think about the fact that I haven’t even given a thought before now to the fact that we are almost two thirds of the way through 2006. My life literally flashes before my eyes at times and I really don’t give it a second thought. I am one of the most present-minded people I know. It’s a fabulous trait on the one hand. I don’t look much further into the future than a month or so. I can sometimes get very stressed in the moment (ask my staff!), but in general I am not a stressed person. I am able to really enjoy each “today” and do. On the other hand, I can’t get too prideful because in being very present minded there are bad things. For example, where does goal setting come in? If I’m not looking far into the future, what am I striving for?

Who is better off? Someone who has several goals and as a result doesn’t really enjoy the present or a present-minded person who is so grounded in the day-to-day that there are almost no honest-to-goodness “goals” on the horizon?

Before I sign off, I do want to share just one Jermaine story that never fails to please the masses. Even if you already know this one, I know you’ll want to hear it again. It sounds funnier than it reads, so I’ll do my best telling this one in writing. Jermaine stayed with me the weekend of my 29th birthday. The morning after the party we were hanging out and there was a knock at the door. Jermaine answered the door and it was a Jehovah’s Witness. She started talking to Jermaine and I could only hear bits of the conversation. I heard him say, “Well, this isn’t even my house….” I heard the JW say to him, “If this isn’t your house, maybe there was a reason why you answered the door today.” They said a couple more things and then all I heard him say to her was, ”I’m just trying to maintain.” With that he shut the door.

Hmmm. Come to think of it, is that all I'm doing? Maintaining?

Your love makes me sing...

Despite the fact that I like to sing, and do, I am not a very good singer. I didn’t even make the chorus when I was in 4th grade, if that tells you anything. Who in the world doesn’t make their elementary school chorus?

I can only sing a handful of songs well. Out of 100 random songs, 10 or 15 might sound good coming out of my mouth and the remainder would be awful.

I say this because of a phenomenon I have noticed. When I sing for the Lord I much more often sound beautiful than when I am just singing for myself.

I have a weekly hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament at my church (Wed night). Sometimes, if I happen to be alone in the presence of the Lord and no other adorers are visiting, I will sing to Him. I feel like when I am singing in the adoration chapel I sound beautiful. I told E this once and he said that perhaps it’s in my mind, meaning that maybe I just feel like I sound more beautiful because I am happy because my heart is full of love while I am singing for God. Perhaps that is partially true, but I did have an impartial third party confirm my suspicion that it was actually true at least once.

We had a parish mission several months ago that lasted for 4 nights. I was in the front row every night. It was led by the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (Fr Benedict Groeshel's order--he actually came and celebrated the mass the last night!) and a couple of the Brothers were playing a guitar and singing in between talks and during adoration and I could tell that they wanted other people to sing along with them. The problem was that they were singing more contemporary praise and worship songs, slow and really melodic, and not traditional church hymns. Not many people in attendance knew the words because a lot of your “oldies but goodies” (what I like to call older folks) are not up on contemporary Christian music.

I did know a lot of the songs they were singing, and I felt like I needed to sing. So I did. Now keep in mind I was in the front row (my church in set up in the round, so I was essentially on display, facing half of the congregation). Keep in mind the only musical accompaniment was a single acoustic guitar. I sang and I sang loud. I sang my little heart out. I was very self-conscious at first, but became less so the more I sang. I praised the Lord and closed my eyes and didn’t worry about the “oldies but goodies” or the youngies or anyone else for that matter. I concentrated on praising God and supporting these Brothers in their ministry.

At the end of that night’s gathering, I stood up to leave the church and a woman who had been sitting near me approached me. She said, “Your voice is beautiful.” I was shocked, to say the least. I said “thank you!” and then I immediately started to cry as I left because I knew that the beautiful singing that night wasn’t me so much as it was a special gift from the Lord to be shared with the other people in the church that night and to give Him glory.

Lord, help me to always sing your praises whether actually in song or not. Help me to know that I should always praise you, even in my difficulties and struggles. Help me to live that and not just say it. Your love is the song of my heart. Amen.

Living behind the times...

OK, I’m starting to see a theme emerging on this blog (other than religious matters). It’s secular media and technology, or in my case, the lack thereof (if we can lump that into one big category, that is)…

My latest story has to do with digital cable, which I finally broke down and had installed this past weekend. If you find the fact that I only just got digital cable crazy then you should also know I only just started carrying my cell phone about 4 years ago (about 3 years after everyone else). Up until that time I kept my huge flip phone in the glove compartment of my car and used it only for emergencies (almost never). To this day my cell phone is still only used as a secondary phone to my land line, and it only rings about once or twice a week or so.

I don’t know why I am the way I am when it comes to things like this. God has blessed me with a good job that pays me a very fair wage. My only debt is my mortgage, so it’s really not for financial reasons that I shy away from the latest technology. It’s also not that I’m not savvy—within the first couple of hours of getting the digital cable installed I mastered the remote control, found all kind of free On Demand shows I want to see, I karaoked a Backstreet Boys song by myself in my living room, and more. I am having an absolute ball with my digital cable. Why didn’t I do this years ago? The price difference is only $5 from what I paid before and the picture quality is so much better. Even my parents got digital cable before me!

I think the reason why I resist current technology and thus live behind the times is because I sometimes see these things as complications instead of things that make life easier. Or is it simply the fact that I am very resistant to change in all areas of my life and therefore I withhold things from myself, regardless of whether they make life easier or not, because they are different?

Yes, I realize I just totally contradicted myself, and I think that the latter statement was the truth.

Lord, this ties directly into you too. No wonder I have such a hard time hearing you sometimes. Hold my breath and cover my ears like a stubborn kid because I don’t want to be presented with anything “different.” Please help open my heart to change. Please help keep me open to changes in my life that can make it better and make me better. Please help me to stop being complacent and step out and step up. The true definition of Holy Boldness, for sure…

Anybody selling a van?

The whole situation with the man who has come forth saying that he accidentally killed Jon-Benet Ramsey 10 years ago has brought back a lot of fun memories for me. I know that using the word “fun” sounds a little grim at face value so please read on and let me explain.

When little Jon-Benet was killed I, along with a lot of other people, was really drawn into the story by the pictures of the little beauty queen who looked 5 going on 25, the weird family dynamics, etc (now, I did hear about this news story in real time, so I obviously must have read more papers and watched much more TV 10 years ago). I read almost everything I could get my hands on. I shook my fist at the TV at the way the Colorado police dept botched the evidence in the case, and so on. I was saddened by the way this little girl died. I wanted justice. The other person in my life who was very interested in this case was Mike’s mom, Linda.

She and I seriously compared a lot of notes on this case. A lot. I would get calls from Mike saying “(Loud sigh) my mom wants me to tell you she heard…” One of our favorite memories was the time she left a copy of the National Enquirer out for me at their house. In it was a big article about the case and on it Linda has written in black marker, “LORI—THIS IS NUTS!!” We laughed so hard at the time that we still say things are “nuts” to this day, all as homage to Linda.

Back then, Mike decided that she and I needed to take our investigative skills on the road. He wanted us to put all of our thoughts and theories to some real use. He suggested we purchase a van and head out on the open road to solve the case ourselves. It was hilarious to imagine us trying to investigate this case, but at the same time I could see it happening!

Fast forward to this week. I am walking to train after work on Wednesday and my cell phone rings. Mike tells me about the guy in Thailand coming forward. Of course the first thing I asked him was if he told him mom yet. He said that no he had not because he’s still mad she never bought the van. Then he thinks more about it and he decides that he’s mad at me too because if we had just gotten our acts together all those years ago the case could have been solved long before now.

I have avoided a lot of the details about that’s going on right now with this guy but I did hear some DJs on the radio talking about it this morning while I was getting ready to leave the house. The gears in my mind immediately started turning and I started coming to my own conclusions. It resulted in the following paraphrased text message exchange with Mike:

Me: This guy did not kill Jon-Benet. I think he’s just sick.

Mike: He admitted he’s lying?

Me: No, but there’s no way he could have done it based on the facts. The DNA will tell the true story. I am back on the case!

Mike: Good, my mom is out buying the van right now.

Me: Great! “This is nuts” rides again!

Mike: That’s what she’s getting painted on the side of the van as soon as she buys it!

What do people see when they see you?

Yesterday, I was walking down the aisle at work and one of my coworkers stopped me and asked me if I would like a bookmark. She told me that a woman handed it to her on the train and after she took it from the woman she thought that I might like to have it. The bookmark has a picture of a cross made out of spikes and it has a bible verse. The bible verse is a very well-known, even to the most nominal Christian (or football fan for that matter since people seem to always hold up signs with this chapter and verse on it at most stadium events!). It reads:

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I said sure and thanked her and walked back to my office. Then I thought about what had just happened and it struck me. Here’s why.

1. The woman who gave me the bookmark is herself a Catholic. I was surprised why she wouldn’t just keep the bookmark for herself. It then really made me realize for what may be one of the first times since my “reversion” that even if someone really believes what John 3:16 proclaims that many people just aren’t comfortable sharing that or showing that that is what they believe.
2. It made me see how other people see me. I am viewed as a “religious person.” How “religious person” is defined will vary depending on who you ask. Some people would shirk at the idea of being seen in that way. I can see why folks might not want to be seen that way. Let me explain (I’ll continue below).

Most people would be fearful of being seen as “religious” because the stigma would be that they must be corny or a loser. I stopped caring who thinks I’m corny or a loser a number of years back. I think twice when I realize I am seen as “religious” because I am now being held to a higher standard. I am being watched. My actions are judged. How does the “religious” lady behave? How does she treat her employees? Is she always nice?

I am not always nice. I sometimes lose my patience at work. I am a human being.

I keep trying each day to be better than I was the day before. I keep trying to allow Christ to shine through me when others interact with me. I am a child of God.

Lord, please allow me to continue to try to be more like you each day. I know that I will fall short but I know that you will make up the difference when I do. I love you.

Random odds and ends (part 2)...

Where to begin today? Lots to report.

Yesterday was the Solemnity of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary and a holy day of obligation. I had gone to mass the previous evening—my church looked really pretty. My pastor filled the place with flowers. A friend took some pictures. Here is one of them. This is of the icon of the Assumption that Fr Pat placed in front of the area of our church where all the mass readings are done and the homilies are given (the ambo). He put the icon out just for the Solemnity and people brought bouquets of flowers in honor of our Lady. I'm just about out of pictures, so get ready for this blog to get real boring again starting tomorrow!

There was a fire on the train that I take yesterday (but thankfully not the one I was on!). I left the office at 4:45, made a stop on the way home and then walked into my house at 6pm. As soon as I walked in the door, my cell phone rang. It was Matt, wanting to see “if I made it.” It turns out that I was one of the last 2 trains to make it through before a train caught on fire and caused the entire line to be shut down in both directions. Matt was stranded at work for a while until someone’s husband came and drove a bunch of them over the bridge. He wound up getting home at 8pm. Yuck!

LC and DJ are running into some problems that will likely make their move impossible at this time, so please continue to keep the situation with their neighbor, as explained here, in prayer. They are keeping a positive outlook. I told LC in an e-mail last week that the choice is now theirs on how they will handle it. Will they live in fear or will they make the choice to live happily despite something that is not in their direct control right now. They are choosing the latter!

I found out yesterday that E and I are going to Chicago on a short business trip in October. We’ll have fun, but will surely feel first hand some of the travel restrictions/security measures going on right now. As I commented to Steph and she agreed, those minor inconvenieces are a small price to pay for our safety!

Lord, today we ask that you continue to minister to all of the intentions we have made previously that still have a need for prayer and healing today. Amen.

The first of other photos to come, I hope!

Here's the picture I promised of my friend, little T. Isn't she very cute?

Mike D says blogs with no photos are boring. Hopefully this will now start to help the blog become much less boring!

Mike's interview at QVC went well yesterday and he'll hear more from them by the end of the week. He text messaged me a photo of the "Welcome to QVC" sign and later, on the phone, gave me the business for not also applying for a job at a place that I love as much as I love QVC.

I love the job I have right now too, I have been here a long time and it would take a lot for me to leave here. But I would if I had an opportunity to do more work for God. Stay tuned, who knows that life will bring?!

The ministry of modesty

E (you who don’t know him met him here) and I had a conversation on Monday and I said that it would be a good story to share with all of you because it would give you insight on the life I try to live, that is, balancing a religious life with a secular life, where I’ve been, where I am, etc. E agreed you guys will like this one.

We were talking about the fact that he was in Atlantic City with some friends Saturday night (they drove down after Shabbat ended, of course). Not to go into much detail (E doesn’t like it!) but he was in a new club at the Borgata and he was dancing with a girl. This young lady was wearing a shirt of some sort that must have barely been a shirt because E described it as something she would wear on the beach. He said that he was trying to avert his eyes while dancing with her but that with a shirt such as the one she was wearing it was difficult. He likened it to trying to not look directly into the sun.

This got me thinking. In my previous life (preconversion, that is) I frequented a lot of clubs. I also dressed immodestly at these clubs in an effort to draw attention to myself and succeeded much of the time. In more recent years, I have come to realize that dressing immodestly does nothing but lead men into sin. Why should I needlessly flaunt my body to someone who is not my husband, and thus, is not going to get to see or touch my body? Just as important to think about is, when one dresses immodestly, is a man really ever looking at you and interested in you or is he simply reacting to whatever “parts” you’re showing off? Think about this.

So when E told me about this young lady I immediately came up with an idea. What if I paid the cover charge to get into this club and I walked around with a bag of shawls and pashminas and I went up to all of the young ladies who were dressed immodestly and wrapped a shawl around them and shouted into their ear (over the din of the club of course) to please cover up so that they can save these parts of themselves to share with their husbands someday. E thought it could become my new ministry.

It’s funny to imagine, but really think about if I did something like this. How hated would I be in a place like that? I would be called a prude, for sure. I would be called other things too, I imagine. People would tell me to just stay out if I don't like it and let people live their lives. That's the first response people give when you are hitting them in a sinful or uncomfortable area. Who are they hurting, they would say? THEMSELVES, I would say. I know this for a fact because I was there. What if no one else is ever going to tell these girls how precious they are to God and they don't need a man to leer at them to feel beautiful? Not many, if any, people inside the club are going to remind them of that important fact. How long do you think it would be before I got kicked out, although, could you really kick me out for handing out free pashminas?

Lord, I pray that you can please help women in our society (especially younger girls) to realize how beautiful they are as they are. Please help them to know how much you love them and please fill them with a self-confidence that will allow them to dress modestly and with dignity and allow the radiating light of Your love be what draws people to them. Amen.

Ignorance is bliss (or is it?)...

When Matt came into work this morning he asked me if I had heard about the possible terrorist attacks that had been thwarted in Britain. I said no. He couldn’t believe it since it had been all over the news this morning, but then he remembered who it was he was talking to.

I do not read the newspaper. The only “newspaper-like” things that I read are The National Catholic Register (a weekly paper) and the Monitor (the weekly newspaper for the Diocese of Trenton). I do not watch the news with any regularity. The only time I’ll watch the news at all is if I am flipping through channels and something catches my eye. I do not even turn on my TV in the morning since I have no TV in my bedroom (something that apparently only Oprah Winfrey and I feel strongly about) and all of my morning activities are on the second floor of my condo.

My dad thinks I am crazy for not reading the newspaper. He thinks it’s important to stay on top of what’s going on in the world (being well-informed is something he sees as our obligation). Matt reads a newspaper cover to cover every day, so he too can barely believe that I don’t even pick one up.

Now my defense: Do any of you who know me see me as uninformed or poorly read? I know the answer to that is no. So am I poorly off for not reading a newspaper or watching the news and filling my head with sadness and bad news and crime and terror and war? As a result of my way of living I know a lot about some things and I know very little about some things. For example, I know next to nothing about politics. To date, my life has in no way been adversely affected by that, but that might be a negative for me at some point, who knows?

I understand my dad’s argument that I should be well-informed, but I guess I feel like I am getting the information I need and I don’t want to have to worry about the rest. There are enough other things that I do and know and see that keep me from being able to get as close to the Lord as I would like to every day, so I guess I just don’t want to add anything else to the mix. My natural inclination is to ponder and worry more than the average person, so I really have to limit what enters my head. When I’m thinking about a million other things I am not listening to my Lord, I am not following His promptings; I am not able to concentrate when reading His Word.

Do I need to change? I don’t have an answer really, as you can tell from my rambling and uncanny ability to defend both sides of any argument (something Mike D. just loves about me, NOT!).

Today we need to pray for our safety and the safety of all of those traveling by air—especially Matt’s parents. Also, please keep Mike D. in prayer. He has an interview at (my favorite place in the world!) QVC on Monday. When he called to tell me about the interview he said, “At least I know one person who will be really excited about the idea of me working at QVC!” Amen to that!

Baby love...

I had the opportunity to spend time with my newest girlfriend yesterday. She just turned 2 months old the other day. I mentioned her previously; her name is Teresa Marie, although I exclusively refer to her as “little T.” I must publicly thank her mother for allowing me to call her that. I have a feeling that when I have kids I will tow the line a bit harder about what liberties you can and cannot take when referring to the children I have named, but Jeanine is a very good sport.

I held her the entire 2 hours I was there. Jeanine had just finished feeding her when I arrived, so the timing was perfect. She was a little fussy when I first started holding her but I started doing the well-known “SHHHHHH-SHHHHHH-SHHHHHH….” technique in her ear (they say the SHHHHH sound is similar to what babies hear in the womb) and patting her back. We danced around some, I bounced her some, and she eventually fell asleep with her little head on my chest. It was good because we were trying to have a meeting. She slept on me through the whole meeting.

I have to say that there aren’t too many things that feel better than a little head laying on your chest and not many sounds sweeter than contented baby sighs. Holding a tiny life makes me value life even more. T’s daddy, Andy, used the time as an opportunity for mine and T’s first little photo shoot. When Andy e-mails me the pictures I will attempt to post them as the first photos on this blog!

I do sincerely pray that I will have the opportunity to be a mother someday. I hope that that is the Lord’s will for me. If it isn’t, the Lord will show me what he has in store for me in the place of motherhood and I would be able to accept that. I sometimes feel really ashamed to ask God for more blessings than countless the ones I have already received and continue to receive, but in those times I try to remind myself that God wants us to ask for the desires of our heart.

Lord, please help me today to be more open to really asking you for the desires of my heart and please help me to be able to be more honest with myself about what those desires truly are. Then, once I’ve identified those desires and I’ve asked you for them, God, please help me do what it is that I have to do to achieve them through Your will.

That’s a tall order in the prayer department today, God, but I know you can handle it for me! Amen.

Also, one PSA today: For anyone who gets EWTN and enjoys great Catholic speakers, they will be airing the LIVE Birmingham EWTN 25th anniversary party all day long this Saturday. Do check in as you are in and out the house during your travels. It’s going to be great TV all day long.

Oh--and finally, I bought advance tickets for the Nick Lachey concert in October today. Borgata, here I come!

Random odds and ends...

I received a really lovely note in the mail from Trish in Ohio yesterday, marveling at how the time has flown since my visit there and letting me know what she thinks of the blog. I know I mentioned this before but I can’t stop saying how much that means to me, to know that everyone is reading it and getting something from it and that I’m not just talking (sometimes preaching, I know!) to myself. I give God all the glory, because I really never gave blogging much thought and suddenly, here we all are!

I would love it if all of you guys would actually start sharing your thoughts for the rest of our readers to see by posting comments. By doing so you all can see who else is out there and we can actually start to have a discussion. I know you all are amazing people with ideas and thoughts and insights and I want everyone else among you to start knowing that too. Start giving some real thought to posting comments. Come on, what’s it going to hurt? Pray about it. We don’t always have to agree, we just always have to be charitable.

Oh, and an interesting follow-up to the post about seeing my ex. Remember how I mentioned that all I did was wave to him at the birthday party we were attending? Well, I was actually working on my book last night (miracle of miracles!) and the books starts off with our breakup (since that was the actual start of the “rest of my life” and where the story of the book begins) and guess what was the very last thing I did the night we broke up and he was leaving my house? I waved to him from my balcony. Maybe I’m just a big waver and I don’t know it. Or maybe Mike D. was right (as he mentioned in his comment to that original post) and it’s hard to come up with a lot of different ways to communicate with a guy that doesn’t have much to say (meaning that he's quiet and not that he's not a thinker)...

Today, let’s pray for the special intentions that each of us hold in our hearts. Lord, you know our individual hopes and struggles. You know what we need and what we don’t. Lord, today, please lead us toward your will for us in every situation and help us to give our difficulties to you to take and transform. Amen.

The Devil in designer jeans...

My friend from college, Paul, has finally moved back in NJ. I spoke to him last night. He was living in California for what seemed like forever, but was actually only a few years. How did he wind up there? He had been traveling a lot for his job and loved what he saw in California, especially northern CA, and got an internal promotion/transfer to his company’s Los Angeles office.

Well, LA just wasn’t far enough north, I guess, and he wound up not really loving it the way he could have. I went out there to visit him in October 2005 for a week. We started and ending the vacation in LA, but we were on the road a lot of the time. Paul was a great host—he showed me everything a first-time visitor to California needed to see. I called it the “sampler tour.” We went to Monterey, Carmel, San Simeon, San Francisco, Napa, and other places in between. It was great.

While on this vacation, I happened to notice that the devil lives in LA. It was almost palpable—I could feel the evil. I could see it in people. I’m not one to start making those proclamations easily, so I needed to take that feeling seriously. The devil travels too, for sure, but he has set up special residence in Los Angeles, CA. Is that ironic given what “Los Angeles” means, or is it even more likely?

Imagine, if you will, a woman hanging out of the passenger-side window of a blue Honda, flicking a bottle of holy water all over as much of the Hollywood Hills that her arm could reach yelling, “Flee demon,” and “Jesus, heal this place.” Now cast me in the role as the woman. It happened. I’m not kidding, ask Paul. Anyone who knows me knows I am not that zealous on the day to day so I had to be feeling something to go that far. What prompted me to pack a bottle of holy water to take on my vacation in the first place? The fact that I had been warned by others.

People have different takes on the devil. The take that I know, and that the Catholic Church teaches, is that he is real. I am not going to go on and on and list reasons why I think the devil has set up special residence in LA, because you all are smart people. Today, I just want everyone to take a few minutes to think about LA, Hollywood, the entertainment industry that thrives there, the drugs we hear about, the violence, and just think about whether you think what I’m saying is possible.

Then think about other areas of the country, where you live, your life. Does he visit those places too? In what way? Finally, today I ask you to pray that God heals all those places, and that Jesus, in his holy name, forces the devil to flee from those places the devil is touching.

Friends and neighbors...

LC and her husband are in the middle of a pretty bad situation with their downstairs neighbor at their condo and I feel awful for them. I think I feel it closely because what they are experiencing is actually one of my greatest fears.

Condos are different from apartments in the fact that you often own your condo (at least everything inside the walls of the condo!). It’s not a rental where if you hate your neighbor or decide the view is terrible you can convince yourself to suffer through the problem since your lease only lasts a year and at the end of that year you can go somewhere else.

Condos are different from single family homes in the fact that if you hate your neighbors you simply can’t get away from them. In a single family home you can manage to avoid your neighbors because you have a buffer zone of some sort in between you and them. In a condo, you often share a doorway or your front doors are directly next to one another and your odds of bumping into one another and being in close proximity of one another is far greater at all times.

A lesson I have learned from living in a condo for 9 years (the anniversary of my move-in date is tomorrow—what a timely post!) is that whether you are “friends” with your neighbors or not really doesn’t matter (I have been best friends with some neighbors over the years and some I simply say hello to and smile at, they don’t even remember my name, I think) what matters is:

1. You are at least cordial to another (what if I had an emergency and I started screaming for help? I’d hope that my next door neighbor might hear me and think, “Oh no, the nice lady next door is screaming, I better go make sure she is OK.” And not “That rude woman that never smiles at me is screaming, who cares?”) .

2. You are at all times respectful of one another. Do you allow your friends to park in their assigned parking spot? That is unacceptable. Are you having a party and not considering the fact that someone below you might be trying to sleep? You are not thinking of others. Come on now, you were raised better than that.

OK, now LC and DJ are in a scenario where numbers 1 and 2 above are not happening, and in fact, things much worse are going down. It has escalated to a point where they are fearful for their physical safety and they are going to move.

That makes me so mad. On the one hand, I completely understand why. Like I said, their scenario is a fear of mine and if I were in their situation I would surely think about moving away from the problem. What makes me furious is the fact that there are people in this world that actually have the power (either because they are mean, rude, mentally ill, dangerous, etc) to affect other people’s lives in that way. I mean, this is not a situation where they have to go sit on a different park bench because they are sitting next to a person who may not be all there. This is a situation where they have to pick up their whole lives, sell their home, and literally move away from a place they otherwise love.

Everyone, let’s please pray today that God uses this difficult and stressful situation as an opportunity for LC and DJ to find an even better condo than their current one. Lord, you can take any situation and turn it to good. We ask you to do this here. Lord, hear our prayer.

A Catholic and a Jew entered a bar...

This post is no joke, but this kind of cliche sometimes pops into my head when I think of how my friend E and I communicate.

(For those of you who don’t know him, E is a dear friend of mine—I call him my mirror image. We are the same in many ways but in reverse. He’s the male, very religiously Jewish version of me. We are both tough customers when it comes to our respective faiths)

We got into it the other day and as with most things E and I argue about, we were actually arguing the same side, but using different semantics because we’re coming from 2 different places, religiously speaking. That’s something we really have to keep in mind, but I rarely do. I get frustrated sometimes because I feel like he is questioning me when he’s really just asking me a question.

Those are 2 different things entirely, so I need to work on that.

We hold one another to a very high standard. E challenges me to be a better Catholic, and not just a better Catholic, but just better. I challenge him to be better, not just a better Jew, but a better man in today's world. I know some people would disagree and tell me that I should instead be praying for his conversion. Do I wish E knew Jesus the way I know Jesus? Of course I do, but alas, he does not. That does not change the fact that E is trying to live his life for God in the way that he believes to be the truth. That does not change that fact that he is striving for holiness. He may stumble and fall along the way, but so do I (believe me!)

I have the utmost respect for that. It makes me want to pose this question: Should one have more respect for a person who lives out the teachings of his or her faith (that is different from yours) to the fullest or should you have more respect for someone who classifes themselves as being the same religion you are, but they aren't living that faith out? I think about this sometimes because for 28 years I was a lukewarm Catholic just perusing the buffet line, picking and choosing the teachings I was going to follow based on what "fit" into my life and ignoring the rest.

Now, truthfully, no one has really challenged me on the fact that I do not pray for E’s conversion. If they did, I would tell them the story about Pope John Paul II. I told E this story the day he asked me if I am praying for his conversion.

As the story is told (and I paraphrase), JPII grew up in Poland playing soccer with and being friends with a number of Jews, one of which was his best friend. They remained friends throughout their lives. As their lives went on, JPII obviously became a priest and progressed forward through the years to eventually being named Pope. Someone once interviewed JPII and his best friend was mentioned and it was brought up that he was Jewish. The person interviewing JPII asked him if he prayed for his friend’s conversion. JPII responded “No, I pray that he is the best Jew he can be.” If it’s good enough for John Paul the Great, it’s good enough for me.

Today, please let's pray for those who have to work outside in the dangerous and oppressive heat we are experiencing in the northeast, namely, Stephanie's brother-in-law Joey who is working in contracting/construction in temperatures in excess of 200 degrees. Along with Joey, let's lift up the elderly, children, and those without air conditioning or other ways to get relief from this heat. Lord, hear our prayer.

Holy Boldness is (Part 2)...

Last Friday, I led a discussion on Holy Boldness at the young adult Catholic women's group that I help lead once a month.

I gave the ladies the same story I gave all of you here

Upon further thought and discussion, Jeanine pointed out to me that she is very excited that the Lord has given me this word to act upon, because, as she sees it, I am in for a very exciting period ahead.

The word "exciting," as she uses it, is relative in my eyes! She said that because God is asking me to be bolder, that means that He is going to give me more challenges, causing me to rise up and go above and beyond where I am, and therefore, drawing me closer to Him.

The prospect of that does excite me to a degree. It also scared me out of my mind. Jeanine said the Lord is waiting for my "yes."

The yes that I give has to be full and complete--it has to be a Mary yes, a real yes from the heart, a yes that tells the Lord I belong to him and that with Him I am ready and willing to take on whatever He gives me, knowing that He is my strength and my joy, my hope and my guide.

I have been praying about my yes. I want to be bold and step out and be God's. Enough talk. Now it's time to shut up and put up.

Lord, today, I say yes to You. Make me Yours. I belong to You--take me and use me as You see fit and please help me to not only see and hear what You would have me do, but help me to follow through and do it. Help draw others closer to you so that they can know the love that I know and the happiness that I have. Sometimes I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer--make Your will plainly visible to me when I need it to be so that I can more easily conform to Your will. Amen.

I got a very kind e-mail from sweet Linda yesterday telling me that both she and her mom have been reading and enjoying the blog and I can't say enough about how much that encourages me! That said, I have modified the comments section for this blog so that any of you should be able to leave comments, whether you yourselves are "bloggers" or not. That way, we can all really start to share thoughts with one another and not just have me "talk" to you.

Today, I want us to pray for Linda, for any areas of her life that she feels need an extra boost today and for her mom as well. Lord, hear our prayer.