Your love makes me sing...

Despite the fact that I like to sing, and do, I am not a very good singer. I didn’t even make the chorus when I was in 4th grade, if that tells you anything. Who in the world doesn’t make their elementary school chorus?

I can only sing a handful of songs well. Out of 100 random songs, 10 or 15 might sound good coming out of my mouth and the remainder would be awful.

I say this because of a phenomenon I have noticed. When I sing for the Lord I much more often sound beautiful than when I am just singing for myself.

I have a weekly hour of adoration before the Blessed Sacrament at my church (Wed night). Sometimes, if I happen to be alone in the presence of the Lord and no other adorers are visiting, I will sing to Him. I feel like when I am singing in the adoration chapel I sound beautiful. I told E this once and he said that perhaps it’s in my mind, meaning that maybe I just feel like I sound more beautiful because I am happy because my heart is full of love while I am singing for God. Perhaps that is partially true, but I did have an impartial third party confirm my suspicion that it was actually true at least once.

We had a parish mission several months ago that lasted for 4 nights. I was in the front row every night. It was led by the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal (Fr Benedict Groeshel's order--he actually came and celebrated the mass the last night!) and a couple of the Brothers were playing a guitar and singing in between talks and during adoration and I could tell that they wanted other people to sing along with them. The problem was that they were singing more contemporary praise and worship songs, slow and really melodic, and not traditional church hymns. Not many people in attendance knew the words because a lot of your “oldies but goodies” (what I like to call older folks) are not up on contemporary Christian music.

I did know a lot of the songs they were singing, and I felt like I needed to sing. So I did. Now keep in mind I was in the front row (my church in set up in the round, so I was essentially on display, facing half of the congregation). Keep in mind the only musical accompaniment was a single acoustic guitar. I sang and I sang loud. I sang my little heart out. I was very self-conscious at first, but became less so the more I sang. I praised the Lord and closed my eyes and didn’t worry about the “oldies but goodies” or the youngies or anyone else for that matter. I concentrated on praising God and supporting these Brothers in their ministry.

At the end of that night’s gathering, I stood up to leave the church and a woman who had been sitting near me approached me. She said, “Your voice is beautiful.” I was shocked, to say the least. I said “thank you!” and then I immediately started to cry as I left because I knew that the beautiful singing that night wasn’t me so much as it was a special gift from the Lord to be shared with the other people in the church that night and to give Him glory.

Lord, help me to always sing your praises whether actually in song or not. Help me to know that I should always praise you, even in my difficulties and struggles. Help me to live that and not just say it. Your love is the song of my heart. Amen.