I have been thinking about the following for a while now and would love some feedback. Of my friends, I’d say about half of them are married and about half of them are still single. What I have observed over the years is that a lot of times, we are seeking out a great partner—someone who will be good us as a spouse and in the back of our minds we wonder what kind of parent they would be, but really have no way of knowing for sure.
I never really thought much about it when I saw folks getting married over the past several years, but I think about it more now that I see people having kids.
Does a good husband necessarily make for a good father? Does a good father necessarily make for a good husband?
I know that the answer to both questions above is sadly, no. What a disappointment that must be if you wind up with one and not the other. Which is more important at the end of the day? Should a woman be willing to sacrifice having a great husband for the sake of her kids? Should a woman have to bear the brunt of playing the role of both parents if her husband is a good husband but isn’t the greatest dad or disciplinarian we’ve ever seen? (Guys, of course this all goes for wives too, I’m just speaking from my point of view.)
Do you ever really get both--a great husband and a great father? It’s a valid question, I think, and something to think about. I have been, more and more…
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Hey! This is a very true deal, but there are both in the world in one person. I know there have been girls I dated cause I knew they would be great mom's but were not great girlfriends so then not so great wife. And the same the other way around. I think this goes with what your last post was about the show. Sure not a great wife and then his actions not a great husband but in the world today it seems that as long as you are happy at night then all is ok. So, back to this... I think a great Father will teach his son and hence a great husband and dad someday. Same with daughter and mother. It's a cycle yeah not 100% all the time but I think it plays a big role in it. Its about respect. If you respect each other as husband and wife you teach that to the kids... and they learn respect and then give it...
Sorry that I am adding more... :( I was also thinking of how hard it is today to see people interact with kids so it is harder to tel labout if they will be a good mother or father. I come from a close knit irish family where we were all around each other as we grew up and watched each others kids. I would even take my little cousins out with my girlfriends if we were going to a fair, movie, or boardwalk... Mainly to see how they would be with my cousins and if they were nice or stand offish. But now with families all over the place its harder to get that family atmosphere to see how one maybe be. I liked it better when family was your aunts and uncles and couisns as i grew up with vs this family of today of mom, dad & kids... I think we lost something so special and needed... Ok, thats all for now.. sorry again but I thought about this after...
Hey L,
I have been thinking somewhat about this too, lately. What fortunate situation I have found myself in is that I think my husband is far better a parent than I am. He is a wonderful, caring, loving husband...so why did I doubt that he would be such a great dad? I guess I "assumed" being a woman who loves all kids that I would be the "better" of the two parents. He on the other hand does not love all kids, just his own. And he admits that. But it doesn't stop the fact that while he is playing in the yard with our son, all the other kids come over and want to play with him too. They follow him around while he is cutting the grass...so he will make pathway/mazes in the grass so they can play. They see him kicking a soccer ball with our son, and before you know it, a full game is taking place. Maybe it's because he works full time and feels like he has to take advantage of his "quality" time...but I think his qualities of being patient, creative, and wanting to have fun allow him to be a great parent. Don't get me wrong, he is also more strick about eating, following rules, and disiplines more than I do too. I think I was more hands on when our son was younger and now that he's getting older it may be that he just bonds better with his dad. What I do believe, is that it would be incredibly hard to be a single parent. And I'm glad that I don't have to choose to have a better husband or father for my kids. I pray daily to thank God for my partner in life and in love. T
I disagree! A true good father to his kids, has to be a good husband to their mother and a true good husband, has to be a good father to their children. The true good husband/father.........No exceptions. The ones that don't fill those shoes aren't truly family men. That goes for women also.
I disagree! A true good father will be a truly good husband!
Hey Girlfriend,
I posted a response, but don't see it yet...not sure if I did it correctly. This is a test...
T
I have dated girls that would be great Moms but knew that as my wife it wouldn't work and dated girls that would be a great wife but maybe not so great as a mother.
I think it is hard to even tell today if someone will be a good parent. Let me explain... There was a time when families were close and you would have little cousins and you could bring your mate around and see how they are around kids. Sometimes I think its hard to see about parent vs spouse but also one has to talk over the idea of parenting. I do think there are both in a person but you have to look for it...
I totally agree with Steph that a key for good parenting is a common focus. You need that similar viewpoint, morals, beliefs, goals, etc. By knowing where your partner stands on those items you should generally have a good sense of how they will raise your children.
Weird thing is that I have seen great men that are just weird around their own kids (lack of experience?). Or I have also seen husbands who I think leave a lot to be desired as a real "partner," but they excel as a dad. Like Jim mentions, maybe if we had more opportunites to see our partner around children before we married them that could help and we could "practice!"
I know Steph is blessed enough to have her niece and nephew who are good practice for a significant other!
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