Ten things I'm thinking about...

10. The fact that I haven’t seen Mike Day a single time in the year 2007. Who can believe this?

9. How nice it is that one of the women I supervise invited me to her 5-year anniversary lunch, which is today (the company gives the employees money to go to lunch on the milestone anniversaries—more money for more years—and she only asked 4 people to go to the lunch and she let her stinky boss be one of them).

8. The fact that I haven’t been able to meet up with Trish from Ohio and her family any of the times that they have been back in NJ since I went to visit them in Ohio in 2006.

7. How angry I still can get at my E after all of this time of knowing him when he just doesn’t care about ______ (fill in the blank with almost anything I care about!). How I still manage to be surprised, get angry, or care all boggles my mind.

6. How quickly that same anger disappears boggles my mind as well, although, in truth, I have never been any kind of really serious grudge holder, much less so in the recent years than ever.

5. How different my day is (for the better) when I get myself up and go to the gym in the morning. It never ceases to amaze me how much better I feel all day. I feel happier because I don’t have the monkey on my back of knowing I need to do some sort of exercise at night or feel guilty if I don’t do anything. It’s all over by 6:30 am and I am a free bird the rest of the day!

4. The same is true for when I go to mass during the week. Before we moved our office in April 2005, I was attending daily mass, well, almost daily! When we moved I never really got back into the habit. I have the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul nearby (beautiful!) so I have promised myself (and the Lord) I will go to mass at least one weekday per week. I will hopefully increase the number of days once I get back into this good habit.

3. How much I love my house. I have lived there for 10 years now and I simply love being there. It’s simple and comfortable and warm. I don’t want anything else other than what I have right now. I don’t need or want anything bigger. I am able to keep up with what I have and I think that’s one reason why I love it so much.

2. How quickly the summer has gone by and how much I am looking forward to Fall and all of things that Fall promises—cooler weather, turning leaves, football, pumpkins, sweaters, and so on.

1. The fact that a trip to Italy that was planned about almost 8 months ago is now less than 4 weeks away. I am starting to not only get excited, but to also crave the time away in a new place, taking a nice break from work and the day-to-day grind with four people I love. I can’t wait!

Old friends, revisited

Here I sit at the Honda dealer, doing what I love to do every time I come here--making great use of the free Internet access!

Today is really a very special day for me. I am going up to my old college stomping grounds, New Brunswick, and am meeting two of my dear friends for lunch.

I am meeting Paul. I met him my senior year of college--I was his RA and he lived next door to me. After school we stayed in touch and I have travelled to Sedona (in 2002) and California (in 2005, he was living there for work at the time but moved back to east about a year ago) with him. 2005 was the last time I saw him, so I am looking forward to seeing him again. What's weird is the fact that I saw him out in California, but we can't even manage to see one another now that he's back in NJ.

With all due respect to Paul, who I really am looking forward to seeing, we are also meeting up with Judy. I met Judy my junior year and we hit it off immediately. We then actually both lived in New Brunswick one summer and she was a great friend to me during a very rough spot in my life when everything was coming to an end with John. She saw me daily, through my worst, and saw me come out better on the other side of it all, praise God.

One great Judy story that has made a lot of people laugh over the years was a day when Judy was very excited to sit down and watch a TV re-run of the movie "Krush Groove." Well, unfortunately for Judy, that was the day that OJ decided to have his friend drive him away in a white Bronco. All TV was preempted for that spectacle. Judy, who was borderline furious, then spoke the immortal words, "I guess they won't be giving Krush Groove!" That was something that made me laugh very hard during a period where I simply didn't have much else to laugh about. I still laugh today and so does anyone else I tell the story too, I think it's all because it was Krush Groove...any other movie just wouldn't be as funny.

I have not seen Judy in 10 years. We have e-mailed sporadically, spoke even more sporadically, but have always loved each other. I can't tell you how happy I feel to be going to finally see her again with my own eyes.

Judy and Paul were born the exact same day in the same year and to me they are very different people. The great thing is that they have always been friendly as well, so we are really going to have a great time. The date has been a long time coming, because we were originally supposed to do this 2 months ago, but then Judy broke her driving foot a couple days before!

A day like today reminds me how very blessed I am that I have so many people in my life, a lot really, but, more important than the number is the fact that I give and receive love from all of these people, in various ways, whether I see them weekly or I see them every 10 years.

We always pick right up where we left off, and that is a gift. I don't care how often you are able to speak to me or see me. As long as you are able to love me and respect me from wherever it is that you are--then you will always be a friend of mine, no matter what.

An open letter to Jermaine

Dear Jermaine,

Your birthday is just a week away and I have no idea where you are this year or how I can reach you right now, so my only recourse is to use my blog. Luckily, I do know you stop by and read about my goings on when you have the opportunity.

Where are you these days? I know that you and your brothers moved, and I think you moved back to the Morristown area, but I don’t know exactly where and I have no phone number for you presently. The e-mail addresses I have for you seem to be old. Maybe you can make sure you get in touch with me to provide me up-to-date contact info in case I need to contact you with some news of important happenings.

I hope that the Lord continues to bless you and your family. I hope that you celebrate your birthday this year in good health and with the utmost happiness and peace in your heart and mind. I pray that God continues to use you to inspire others around you with your positive outlook and your joy.

Thank you Jermaine for the gift that you have been in my life, for the ways you have loved me and taken care of me over the years, near and far. I will never forget the different ways you looked out for me and protected me when we lived together at Rutgers. I was so blessed to have a protector, confidant, and dear friend in you. You loved me when I loved people who didn’t love me back they way the should have. You loved me when I wasn’t acting like I loved myself. You always made me feel like I was a strong woman—very beautiful, and positive. That support during those formative years up until the present day has helped me in my journey to become the woman I am today and the woman I hope to one day be.

I love you JER-MAINE. I miss you. Happy birthday. May our God bless you and keep you safe. As ever, you remain in my prayers.

Love, L

Getting back in the saddle

Well folks, I am getting myself back in the saddle. I have decided that if I am going to actually have a profile up on the Internet, then I actually have to go onto the Web site and meet people and not sit and wait for people to contact me.

After some false starts and one relationship that ended badly through a site that called itself “Catholic,” but wasn’t really too much so, I joined a very conservative Catholic dating Web site where, at the time of signing up, everyone 1) pays a high membership fee—you get a lifetime membership as a result and I believe the higher fee weeds out a LOT of riffraff, ie, non-serious jokers, and I am all for that. It makes searches easier. 2. You know at the time of sign up that the members are all marriage-minded (we aren’t looking for hook ups here, obviously, and if you are, you are going to be sorely disappointed, let me tell you!). 3. You are asked a series of real questions about the Catholic faith—Where do you stand on contraception? Are you eligible to marry in the Catholic Church? How do you view papal authority? Do you go to confession? They are asking much deeper stuff than “Do you go to church?”

I have realized that although I have proclaimed 2007 as a year for taking greater care of others, in order to do so, I need to take greater care of myself at the same time. I have work to do on myself and for myself. If I want to share my life with someone (I have more and more started really feeling like I do want this) then I need to go seek him out.

Seek and ye shall find. Please pray for me to that end!

Also, as an aside, I was reminded today how much I am loved and it did my heart a load of needed good. Last night, Mike read my previous post about my being rejected twice in a week and he called me early this morning to find out exactly what happened and make sure I was OK. Even cuter and more touching was that he was going to call me as soon as he read it, but knowing me and loving me as he does, he knew I would already be asleep! I really needed that today. For every rejection there is a flood of love that follows.

Rejection stinks!

A lot of times when we think of rejection we think of being rejected by a boyfriend or girlfriend (or someone we wish was our boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc). You know, the whole jilted lover thing...

Not being a huge risk taker I haven’t experienced huge amounts of rejection in that area (but, not being a risk taker I also haven’t experienced the highest of highs of love either…we’ll need to discuss that some time too, add it to my growing list of topics!).

I can tell you, however, that I was rejected twice in the course of 8 days by two different people. I would classify both of these people as friends. One was a former very close friend who I only recently reestablished contact with after over a year of no communication and the other was someone who I would classify as a close acquaintance.

In both cases I was very blatantly rejected and made to feel like dirt (not purposefully I am sure, but I felt that way nonetheless). I was essentially told, in different ways, that these people didn’t want to be around me or speak to me because they didn’t feel good about it (in one case) or wouldn’t want to hear what I might or might not have to say (in the other).

Can I tell you something? 1. I am not used to being treated that way or feeling that way, and I didn’t like it one bit. 2. It really made me want to look at myself and think about what about me made them respond that way. What do I need to work on inside myself to make not only these people, but everyone, feel more loved?

Rejection hurts. But in this case it’s giving me an opportunity to pray more for the hurt places inside these two people that are obviously there and to pray for the hurt places inside me that might not be giving these people what they need from me.

And if I can become better from this, I mean really and truly a better person, then I can take a little bit of rejection (emphasis on little bit!!)

What the #/!!@#?

In the years after my deeper conversion and commitment to Catholicism, I made a lot of changes in my behavior, and still do so. Some changes I struggle with, some were fairly easy to change, with God’s help.

One of those “easy to change” behaviors was cursing. I never cursed like a sailor or anything like that, so I think that was one reason that I didn’t have a really hard time stopping.

Now, I will admittedly still let the occasional “a-hole” fly out of my mouth (or not so occasional as E claims, he says it’s my favorite word, but I think he also exaggerates. He monitors my language very closely and gives me horribly disapproving looks when I say anything out of line—he curses even less than I do, so I guess he’s a good one to be the monitor. He also monitors my pronunciation and usage of all words on the day to day, but that’s for another post). I can’t tell you the last time I said the mother of all curse words.

I am not offended when I hear other people curse here and there, if anything, it’s just something that I personally see as an unattractive trait (and that goes for both men and women).

When someone curses all the time, I feel like there is some reason why this person must feel like they need to go there and stay there, so to speak. It’s as if they have a difficult time finding another way to express themselves in real words, so they resort to cursing, or they are feeling anger/resentment/you name it and they have no other way to get it out.

I say all of this because I was very struck by this when I went to see Jarred on Saturday. He curses a lot without even batting an eye. Now, I’m not judging him at all, he certainly isn’t the only person I know and love who does so, and again, HE didn’t bat an eye. I, on the other hand, could feel myself visibly flinch when he would say some of the words he chose.

Weird, isn’t it? I tried to think of why I never noticed it before—I have known him since I was 5 (but he didn’t curse back then!) and although I may not literally see him often, we do speak often enough that I should be used to what words he chooses—so why did it take him moving away for me to notice his language? Maybe some people curse more in person than on the phone? My reaction was also interesting to me—when some people curse I don’t even think twice and with him I was literally flinching—maybe because I don’t expect him to?

Anyway, despite all that :) it was really great to see Jarred and spend time with him on his new turf. He is hanging in there and looking for a new job. He is open to winding up wherever the new job is—even if that means moving again so soon. Please keep him in your prayers.

Happy birthday to Kathy today. Please say a prayer for the birthday girl as well.

Overwhelmed, in a good way

Wow, I just really don't know where to begin today. I am feeling very overwhelmed by life right now, but in a good way.

For a while now, I have had so many emotions floating right at the surface (for those of you who know me the question is more likely, when haven't my emotions been right at the surface?). I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm really living this life that God has given me, and it feels good and feels right.

Perhaps sometimes when you really start living life more to the full that you see that you may have gone through a period of time where you didn't. I think that's definitely true in my case.

My friend Wyndee needs to have a little surgery soon. I have offered to take a day off from work when the time comes to do whatever she might need of me (in my larger effort to more properly take care of others), but I don't know if she is going to take me up on the offer. I hope she does.

I am going to visit Jarred for the day tomorrow. I really feel like I need to physically be there with him in order to properly assess what's going on. Things have not panned out exactly as we had hoped, but when in life do they? I have to see his face and walk in his apartment and see the things that he sees on the day to day. And then and only then can we sit down and discuss what comes next.

I'm watching a person I love develop a romantic relationship he's in into something really meaningful and it fills my heart in a way that I can't describe because it's something that I have spent much time on my knees in prayer about and now I get to see what my answered prayer looks like (well, I guess I don't technically know what the answered prayer looks like since I haven't met his lady yet, but...). What a blessing that is!

God, the giver of all good things, keeps on giving me opportunities for greatness. I just have to be willing to take them when they are offered. Work is required, but the reward can't be beat!

Random odds and ends, part 10

Jim is on a trip to Ireland as we speak, taking a much needed and much deserved break now that the school year is over for him and his students are off doing whatever it is they do during the summer. I am getting VERY excited for Italy now that it's actually within arm's reach. I have spoken to my friends Michelle and her brother (also my friend) Alex who went to Italy a year ago and Alex sent me all the links to his online photos and the like. It's going to be beautiful.

Being away from work for a meaningful length of time is also going to be more wonderful than I can say. This past Tuesday was my 12-year anniversary of working (and all 12 years at the same company, no less!) . I think I mentioned this before, but I started working 5 weeks after I graduated college. Since then, I have never been away from the office for 2 full weeks. It's important for me to do this. It's important for me to live life and not live work. It took me a little bit of time to really realize this, but I have more clarity on the matter as of late.

I have been spending time doing more things and seeing more people lately--I have come out of hibernation now that summer is upon us. I tend to disappear more in the colder months, and have been enjoying the spring and summer. I am also tan and that always makes me feel more season-appropriate.

I've received e-mails from some of you asking for prayers and I am blessed to do so. I will ask everyone else to keep the intentions of all of your friends here (those you know and those you don't know) in your individual prayers as well.

Work has been busy--a young woman I supervise gets married tomorrow and is out of the office for over 2 weeks and a lot of the staff want to link up the 4th of July holiday to the weekend and are taking off either next Mon and Tues or Thurs and Fri.

I hope everyone has a BBQ to go to on the 4th. If not, let me know, you can come with me to Wyndee's!

The ideal way to greet a person...

I met my friend John for coffee last night near our homes. I hadn't seen John in about a year and half and the visit was long overdue, especially for people who don't live very far away from one another (he lives in the town next to me!)

I walked into the Starbuicks and John was already there, getting his drink at the counter. He turned around and looked at me and proceeded to greet me in the same manner that he greets me every time he sees me, nice and loud:

"HELLO BEAUTIFUL!!"

Now, if that's not the way to make somebody feel like a million bucks, I don't know what is. John is a person who truly makes me feel like I am beautful (and funny and smart and amazing) every single time I am in his presence.

He makes me feel the way I think God sees me. It's really a very special gift that John has and I know that others who know him would agree with me.

It made me think--I don't do enough of that. I think it's because I am a person who often has difficulty receiving compliments; however, just because I have a hard time receiving compliments doesn't mean that everyone is, and I need to do a better job.

It's weird, because I tell people I love them all the time (and I mean it) and I think I am able to very clearly "show" people I love them in my actions, but when I'm with someone I love (or like) and I think they look great or said something clever, I usually just think it in my head and I don't verbalize it and that stinks.

I am going to work on this effective immediately. The key is to work on it in a very genuine fashion and not in a phony way where I start throwing around compliments left and right just because I feel like I should.

Sigh. My work really is never done, is it?

Let me pray for you...

I went to my friend Pat's ordination ceremony on Saturday and cried the whole time. For anyone who hasn't been to an ordination ceremony, it's a lot like a wedding. The only difference is that the man is taking the Catholic Church as his bride and not a lady.

At one point I think he saw me in the crowded church. I had a cry rag (that's what I call my papertowels that I carry around to catch all of my tears. I cry a lot, much more than your normal person--luckily the tears are often happy!) up to my face when he saw me. He was probably surprised I was crying the way I was.

If I cried as he became a transitional deacon (it's "transitional" because he's only a deacon for the last year he's in the seminary and then he becomes a priest, God willing), imagine how much I'll cry when he becomes a priest.

Pat and I are not especially close, but I have prayed for him a lot since he entered the seminary. The "world," in general, and the devil, specifically, hates people who are willing to sacrifice so much for their faith. Good holy priests need a lot prayers to stay the course and stay strong for God.

Pat knows how much I pray for him and he knows that I always have and on the day of his ordination he asked me to please continue to do so this next year. It got me to thinking. I am a pray-er. I am known as such. People come to me and ask for my prayers.

Are my prayers any more powerful than anyone else's? Absolutely not.

So what makes my prayers "sought after," so to speak? Two simple reasons:

1) People know that I pray, and I pray a lot, and I pray all day long, formally and informally, and I ask God for things and I plead with God for mercy and I joke with Him (although I tend to pray much more for others than myself and I need to get over that and start pleading with God for what I need too). I also pray in my sleep, which I consider a true and humble gift from God. I see it as a sign I have begun to truly let Him into my heart (if I pray in my subconscious mind when I'm not really aware, He must be inside me somewhere!). I wake up from sound sleep saying Hail Marys.

2) I am 100% confident that my prayers reach God at His throne in heaven. I know it as much as I know anything else in the world. There are a lot of people who pray, but there are not a lot of people who feel like their prayers "work," so to speak, or that God "listens" to them. They pray because they are "supposed" to.

So, I've been thinking this past week that I want to put out the call to all of you. Please let me pray for you. What are your needs, wants, desires? Let me help you storm heaven with prayer on your behalf and behalf of those you love.

I always tell this to E when he tells me not to waste my prayers on him: There is no limit to the number of prayers I am allotted. I am not wasting anything. I am giving God more glory by speaking to Him--He wants to hear from us.

If you aren't comfortable doing the talking, then let me. Any of you who know me I'm never at a loss for words!

Life is fair

I am once again in the waiting area of my Honda dealer, getting an oil change. I really do love that I am able to take care of so many different things while they work on my car.

I've been thinking about something I read recently. The statement was "Life is Fair." Would you agree or disagree with this?

Personally, I would agree. I do believe that life is fair. Some of us succeed in areas that others may not, and vice versa. Some of us are able to obtain or achieve certain things,and others will obtain different things that we will never attain. One thing that I have said pretty often, which can be grouped in with the Life is Fair concept is, "There are all different kinds of lives." Another one of my favorite things to say to people is, "I have never wanted anyone else's life because the only thing I know for sure is what I have. I have no idea what other people are actually dealing with behind their own closed doors." And that's despite what show they may be putting on for the world.

Now, I know that some people would immediately go to examples of homeless people or the chronically ill and challenge me. They might feel that life is, in fact, not fair.

Your thoughts? My opinion is only one of many, I am certain.

Random Odds and Ends, part 9

I am in the mood for some out of town guests. I know that may sound weird, but when I was celebrating Mother’s Day with my mom yesterday she was telling me that her neighbors across the street were entertaining a couple who was visiting from out of town. Also, my friend Cathi is visiting some friends of hers right now for a few days in New York.

The thought of it just appeals to me right now. I guess I feel like I have been the out of town guest enough times and I would like to have out of town guests come see me for a few days. LC and Darryl coming down for one night from Connecticut do not count. I’m talking about me taking a couple of days off from work and showing someone the sights of Philadelphia and New Jersey. I have no idea who these out of town guests will be, but we’ll see who comes my way.

E told me that on Mother’s Day his father does not go out with them to celebrate--that the day is a day for him and his brother to focus on their mom. Then the same thing happens on Father’s Day—no mom allowed. In my family, the three of us go out on both days to celebrate. I guess it’s just a matter of what you’re used to, but heck, if it wasn’t for my dad my mom wouldn’t be a mother! He deserves to be there too!

Oh, I have all of the sudden started doing Tae Bo. How far behind the times am I, like, 10 years? Frankly, I don’t care how outdated it may be, it kicks my butt and that is exactly what I need right now.

As much as I hate the heat, I do like this time of year in a way—everybody starts to get a little color, everyone starts to wear cute shoes, and it’s good to see people out and about.

Jarred called on Saturday—his first week at work went well, he is excited for the challenge. Things are really no different for us with him moving an hour and fifteen minutes away, that’s for sure—he called me from a Target up where he is now wanting me to weigh in on what kind of hand lotion, tissues, water filters, etc, he should buy!

I made plans to meet up with a girlfriend of mine from college in June—I haven’t seen Judy in MANY years, so we are meeting in New Brunswick (the very scene of the crime, so to speak) for lunch.

I was invited to the ordination of a man I know (he went to Rutgers too, although I didn’t know him until after graduation, but do remember him from Rutgers) who is becoming a transitional deacon (one of the steps on the way to becoming a priest). The ordination is no more than 10 minutes from my house, so it would be a real shame not to go—I consider it a blessing to be able to be there to support him on such a day! (Remember—greater care of one another!) Please keep Pat in your prayers.

Hope you are all well. I am, glory to God.

Where God wants us (or doesn't!)

I feel very strongly that sometimes God does not want us somewhere and He will do whatever it takes to keep us from getting from Point A to Point B.

Now, I also know that He gives us free will to make decisions and He will allow us to sometimes make the wrong decisions to somehow bring about a greater good at a later time. Any of us can look at our own lives and see examples of situations where we have made decisions, taken actions, or said things that were wrong for us or bad, but as smoke clears and time passes we see how we may have been able to grow or change from the “wrong” decision.

But other times, God will do whatever He needs to do to keep you from a situation He doesn’t want you in. A case in point for me was last night, I think. A friend of mine had invited me to an event up in the Howell/Lakewood area. It’s about 45-50 minutes from where I live on a good day. I wanted to show support for this event and I hadn’t seen this friend or many of the others who may have been there in a long time.

It’s important to note I have been to Howell/Lakewood dozens if not hundreds of times in my life for various events. I have driven past the location where this event was going to be held and thought I knew the stretch of Route 9 where the place was located.

Can I tell you I drove up and down a many-mile-long stretch of Route 9 three times looking for the place and never found it? I text-messaged the event organizer to try to get a landmark, but the event already started, so heard nothing in reply.

Then I thought that maybe I simply wasn’t supposed to be there that day. It was now dark, the event had been going on for 45 minutes, and would it even have been worth it to find the place at that point? I just felt like I was being led away from the place and back toward home. Then I saw a sign for Route 70, which I can take right back to near my neck of the woods. That’s exactly what I did. Driving home I thought about it. Maybe there would have been someone there I didn’t want to see. Maybe I would have felt out of place or uncomfortable.

Who knows? God knows. I wasn’t mad driving home. I wasn’t annoyed that I “wasted” gas and had spent over 2.5 hours in my car for “nothing.” I just trusted God enough to lead me home.

What if YOU moved and nobody cared?

So, as you all know from the previous post, Jarred is moving away, possibly forever, in a few short days. I am surprised by the way some of the people we mutually know are handling his relocation, namely, they aren’t acknowledging the fact that he’s leaving.

Now, I’m a reasonable person and I can understand this to a degree, Jarred hasn’t been “around” much in the past few years, and some people may feel slighted that he sent out a mass e-mail to a large group of people announcing the relocation because he didn’t get the chance to call everyone personally in such a short period of time, but is that a reason to not make sure you send someone off with the appropriate well wishes? (Remember, although I found out about this a couple weeks ago, I was told via a text message, not exactly the most personal method of communication, but I indeed survived.)

The whole thing makes me think.

What if we all walked around and treated people only the way they treated us? What a sad world we would live in if no one was willing to ever be the bigger person or rise above or make an extra effort. What if all anyone did was punish each other—I won’t call you because you didn’t call me—I won’t help you because you didn’t help me, and so on.

Or wait, do we not need to think about this too much because this is already exactly the very world we live in?

Come on, be the bigger person. Pick up the phone.

Moving on up...

I have a friend named Jarred who I have known since we met at the bus stop on the first day of kindergarten. We grew up on the same long street in our town and his mom used to send him to walk up the street and knock on my door and pick me up and then walk me back to the bus stop (the bus stop was in between our 2 houses).

I was always a sucker for a gentleman, even at age 5. We’ve remained friends to this very day, experiencing varying levels of closeness over the years, but I think that whenever it’s possible to do so, we always come back to the people who really count and those who are comfortable and close.

Jarred has experienced a lot of restlessness over the years. I can’t say that I’ve ever really understood it because I am much more of a “bloom where planted” type and he is much more of a “looking for the next big thing” type. Jarred has had many jobs over the years, none of them ever in corporate America—until now.

He announced to me last week, via a text message no less, that he has accepted an advertising job in South Orange, NJ. It gave him 3 weeks to find an apartment for himself and his 2 dogs, relocate his entire life, and put his townhouse on the market (for those of you keeping track, this is indeed the very same townhouse that was featured on the short-lived television series “Design Invasion,” where Jarred’s dad and I were the accomplices in “surprising” Jarred and redecorating his home in one day. I have the tape of the episode in our “life archives” if anyone still never saw the show the 20 times it aired on Fox).

We spoke at length this weekend and he has found an apartment in Montclair. He had a garage sale on Saturday! He starts moving this coming weekend. His house is on the market as of a few days ago. Everything is happening and happening fast. He is excited but also nervous, of course. He asked me to come visit. Of course I will—I have a feeling I might actually see him more often now that he is moving farther away.

I give him a lot of credit for making such a significant change in his life—new job and moving, that’s two huge life stressors at once! It’s funny for me, because of all my friends I thought I would be the one to move away—I never thought that I would wind up living in South Jersey on a permanent basis after college. Please, and not only do I still live in South Jersey, I live in the same town that I grew up. Out of everyone, I wound up being the townie! Well, for now at least. Who knows where life may take me, right?

Jarred always was a risk taker to some degree. In some areas he succeeded and in some he didn’t, but he always steps up and tries, and I admire that in him. I need to take a cue from him. Everyone please keep Jarred in your prayers as he prepares for this big life change—that God guide him in his endeavors and keep him safe.

One random thought as I close: Trish shared this tidbit of info with me today via e-mail. At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07. This will never happen again..

Tragedy in Virginia...

It just doesn’t get much sadder to me than the times when we are able to visibly see how much pain people are in in this world.

How much must a person be screaming inside to resort to killing other people--many, if not all of them, randomly. Think about this. Think about what point your life would have to reach for you to resort to such actions. Could you never see yourself resorting to such actions? If not, then think about what makes you different than this young man in Virginia.

I’ll tell you one thing. Our world is hurting and our world is wounded because a lot of people are broken—mentally broken, physically broken, emotionally broken, and so on. People are literally crying out to be noticed, helped, healed, and a lot of people just don’t want to be bothered to minister to one another because everyone is so busy with their own “stuff.”

Our society has devolved so significantly in the past 50 years or so that no one has support systems anymore. No one stands up for the things that matter like moral values, family focus, a “village” mentality (where all of the adults in a neighborhood act as “parents” to all of the children, and all the children listen to and respect all adults), none of it. Everyone is so busy minding their own business and allowing everyone their freedom of this and that that no one is willing to stand up for anything anymore and people like this obviously hurting, obviously broken, and obviously sick man in Virginia are left to fight a losing battle with their demons.

Why do we no longer demand better for ourselves and one another?

Only a merciful God can help this college and town heal after such a terrible event. Only a merciful God can help deliver us from evil, especially the evil we as a society create and watch and allow to perpetuate. God help us.

Asking for forgiveness when it's due...

Last week I went to confession and the day after I had gone, I knew there was something else that I needed to do while we still had a couple of days of Lent left. I took the opportunity to ask for forgiveness from an old friend of mine who I no longer speak to. It's really not easy for me to admit when I am wrong (it's definitely one of my biggest character flaws, especially since I am always so sure I am right!).

In this case, it wasn't wrong that we parted ways, but the way I went about it was all wrong. I didn't feel like I am necessarily supposed to go back to the way things were in the past with this person, but I did feel like I owed someone who I used to call my friend, and a close one at that, some sort of explanation of why I did what I did and extend an apology for any confusion and hurt feelings she may have felt at my hands. I also wanted her to know she was not singled out and that I actually stepped away from from quite a few people last year.

The e-mail that I sent her was, thankfully, well received and she is doing well and I feel good in knowing that my old friend and I are actually better people on the other side of this past year. Even though we are no longer fixtures in one another's lives, we still pray for one another and want each other to be blessed and happy. And, if and when our paths cross again we will be happy to see each other and not feel weird or nervous about how the other may feel or react.

Sometimes by admitting we have done something wrong we can actually make things very right. Kind of like the sacrament of Confession in a way, no?

Happy Easter

Today begins what the Church calls the Triduum (three days). This is my last day of work this week and I will be in church tonight, Friday afternoon, and for a few hours on Saturday night for the Easter Vigil Mass (Fr Pat goes all out for the Easter vigil and the mass is very long).

A lot of people don't go to the Easter Vigil mass because they can't bear being in church that long, which, if you think about it, is a crying shame considering the fact that we are celebrating the fact that Jesus suffered and died for our sins (and rose again!). The least we can do is sacrifice some time.

I am cooking Easter dinner this year (I am not quite sure how this happened, since we usually just go out, but I felt inspired). My parents, Cathi, and Terry will be coming.

I hope that all of you who will also be celebrating Easter will have a blessed holiday surrounded by the company of the people you love.

Christ is risen, He is tuly risen!

Another year of a rich life...

Another year of blessed life is on the verge of having passed and I am reflective.

I have joy in my life and I can see it and savor it. I am grateful for that. The joy is sometimes very small, but it is enough for me to recognize and glean happiness from. Thank you Lord for helping me appreciate the small joys.

E fights with me almost daily (because he wants me to be happy) that I am unwilling to do enough to make my life the way I want it. However, I find that he often wants me to do things the way he would do them, which in some situations is great and in others is totally impractical. We threaten to kill one another at least once a day. Of course we never would, but that doesn’t stop us from getting fired up.

The problem is that it is true that I often am a person who sits and waits for things to happen instead of taking any risks to make them happen. I would be interested in knowing how many of you see me that way because I don’t think that I actually give that off in my daily interactions with people, ie, people see me “doing” a lot and making things happen, but I guess I am able to hide it less from a person who spends the better part of 5 days a week with me, like E.

I think about what I will do when the time comes in the future when E will leave this job. I wonder if we will ever be able to be as close as we are now. It makes me sad to know that the answer to that is most likely no. I know we will be friends for the rest of our lives, but the dynamic will very different. It’s just weird to think about because we have only known each other in these circumstances.

Mom and I are having a very special girls’ day when I take the day off on Friday—our main stop is going to be to go to QVC for the studio tour and to shop in their studio store. I am looking forward to the day off. I have off again next Friday for Good Friday. I am looking forward to a meaningful Holy Week beginning this Sunday.

I am blessed to be on the verge of turning a year older with two healthy parents who I love more with each passing week, my own health, a stable job that I still enjoy going to after all these years, friends who enrich my life and make it (and me) better, and a God who knows me better than anyone else and loves me more than I could ever begin to fathom.

That is a blessed life if I have ever seen one. Thank you Jesus for another year to serve you and continue to give you all the glory. Praised be your name.

Greater care for one another...

Something else that I am doing this year is working to take greater care of others. We all need to do this. I know that while some may consider me a generous person on the surface, I am also very regimented to the point of being selfish. I’m constantly going from point A to point B, needing to get this and do that and when someone throws a monkey wrench into my plans, everything falls apart.

Tragedy does not make an appointment. Happily, neither does joy. I need to be better prepared for dealing with both.

I started small. This year (I actually started in February) I have called all of my friends on their birthdays. It’s not just enough to get the card or gift in the mail on time. In the past, if the person’s birthday was during the week and I was running around and if we didn’t speak on the phone very often (excuses, excuses) I would shoot the person a quick e-mail and be glad that the card reached them in good time. I thought about this and I realized that for the couple minutes it takes to write an e-mail I can just as easily pick up the phone and TELL said friend that I wish them a happy birthday and let them know they mean something to me.

Then, when Jim’s mom died suddenly a little over a week ago, I was given the opportunity to try do better in a sad circumstance. The wake was on Wednesday night and I happen to also have my weekly hour of adoration every Wednesday night. At first I just figured that I couldn’t go to the wake and I would just mail a mass card and pray for Jim and his mom at adoration. Then it dawned on me that this was a prime opportunity to show greater care for my friend. I arranged for a substitute at adoration and drove an hour in each direction for the wake and hand-delivered my mass card and hugged my friend. I know that Jim appreciated my attendance and it made me feel good to show my support in a real and meaningful way.

I have decided that I cannot allow my life to become so “busy” that I am not doing the real things that matter. Things like physically being there for people I care about and making extra effort to share in people’s happiness and/or sadness. I cannot allow the fact that I daily manage 10 people and that they count on me for guidance on what to do and how to work stop me from taking time away from the office with almost no notice and literally be with people who need me in their time of sorrow or time of joy. I am a care taker—I minister to people in many ways as a daughter, friend, boss, youth minister, child of God, and so on. Sometimes plans and schedules have to be tossed aside at a moment’s notice in order for the Lord to use me and for me to do my greatest works for Him.

Let’s all begin to think about small ways we can take greater care of one another—not just our parents, spouses, kids, and dogs, but beyond that intimate circle of the people we live with or talk to every day. At the end of the day, it’s one of the main reasons why we are here.