Being who we want to marry--revisited

I need to revisit this topic, mostly because it’s still coming up in discussions E and I have, most recently today.

There are great people in this world that feel they are “owed” a spouse. They feel that they are “good people” and since “everyone else” is married that they “deserve” to be married too. Note my really heavy use of quotes because the use of all of these words and phrases in their arguments are opinions.

Who says we’re “good people?” Who is included in the statement that “everyone else” is married? Why on Earth would you “deserve” a spouse (or fill in the blank with anything else you desire) more than any other person?

I’ll repeat my belief that you need to be the person you want to marry. You need to try to live the life that you wish to share with your partner while you are alone. Your partner is just that—your partner. Your partner is not your savior. Your partner cannot fix the defects in you or fill the empty, hurt places. They are not God.

Your partner can complement you certainly, your partner can enhance life and share burdens and joys—but you must be your own complete you first. You need to live life like you (and God) are going to be alone and fine real peace there. You have to find happiness there. You need to know joy there. You need to have peace of mind. You need to live the life God intends for YOU to live. You.

Then and only then will you be ready to share this blessed and full life with another person who was specially set apart for you.

Random odds and ends (part 5)

Of all of the posts that no one has commented on, I have to say the one that disappoints me the most is the one about good husbands versus good fathers. I’d really like to ask folks (especially the married lurkers who read this blog) to rethink whether or not they should comment on that post and decide that they should (and then post a comment here and let us know you did).

I found out today that Massachusetts man lives with his 78 year old mother who has some sort of dementia that they are still trying to diagnose (I knew about the dementia, but asked him who she lives with today). His other siblings are significantly older than him (he was a late in life surprise!) and he is her primary caregiver although some of the other siblings are around and do help. He seems to have no concerns about certain things like, who’s going to stay with his mother if and when he comes to see me (well, I assume he has no concerns about that since he can already quote me the price of a round trip plane ticket to Philly). One thing I admire about him is that he really does put his complete trust in God in ALL things. That is one thing that I can stand to learn from him on.

The Eagles are disappointing me. However, I have a newfound respect for the Giants and their great win against Dallas last night.

I heard a guy friend of mine got offended on some deep level that I went to the Nick Lachey concert. His offense was revealed only after Jeanine commented how good looking she thought Nick Lachey was in front of said friend and her husband Andy.

Another good thing in the long list of good things I have found about having the digital cable and On Demand is that MTV On Demand offers a couple of old Newlyweds episodes for my viewing pleasure at all times.

My Massachusetts penpal

I am still e-mailing the fellow that I met on Ave Maria Singles that I mentioned a little while ago. He still lives in Massachusetts. Not that I expected him to move in the past couple of weeks, but the distance still bothers me some.

I actually stopped e-mailing him for a little while. I let him know I was going to do so. Well, actually, he suggested I take a break to regroup since I was feeling overwhelmed with all my other stuff and was traveling and was sick and was feeling bad that I simply wasn’t having the time that I felt was needed to write this kind man some meaningful e-mails on any kind of regular basis. He told me that people get busy and get sick and that doesn’t mean we should stop corresponding but simply means that I need to get better and get back on track and try again. I appreciated his reaction. So, just this week we resumed our e-mailing.

We haven’t spoken yet and that is fine with me. I am not in any rush (hey, if I was in any kind of “rush” with my life, I’d have married somebody by this point!)

I have met a few other men online in my lifetime (but you guys know that in general I don’t really work the online dating thing very hard). I have only really gotten to know three of them and only met two of those three. I had a relationship with one of the two (that ended obviously!), but in all three cases I think we rushed to the phone and I believe there is something to be said for writing to one another for a healthy clip of time and get to see what the other person can put forward in a comfortable, safe environment where you have the opportunity to really compose your thoughts so that you have a little background and basis before talking to one another. I do think it allows for a more comfortable progression.

I feel decent about this guy (if I keep on corresponding with him we here are going to have to come up with something to call him so I don’t have to call him “this guy”), he seems to have many of the qualities I am looking for, but I am no fool either. I am not a person who believes you can have a boyfriend or girlfriend you have never been in the same room with. I do believe you can get to know a person without seeing him/her and you can begin to develop feelings for them through your e-mails and conversations, but those feelings and the actual relationship can really develop only after you share one another’s company.

Does anyone feel differently about this?

Does anyone have a story to share in this vein?

Train wrecks

Throughout my life I have sometimes been viewed in a negative light because I refuse to support people’s bad decisions.

Now let me be clear in what I am saying. I don’t support people’s bad decisions. That does not mean that I do not support my friends. It simply means that I will not stand by and support bad choices. I can’t pretend that a clearly awful choice is good, and I won’t. It’s simply not right.

I would want someone I care about to start yelling if a speeding train was about to hit me so that I could get out of the way. I do the same for my friends. They sometimes just don’t want to hear the yelling because that “train” is something that they don’t want to admit might hurt them. So be it. Grown adults are allowed to choose what they want to do. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still yell for them to get out of the way. And that doesn’t mean that I have to stand there and watch them get hit.

One thing people can’t call me is a fake. You always get the truth with me in one way or another. Some people (one person in particular who reads this blog is one of them from what I’ve heard, but it doesn’t bother me so please don’t feel weird!) like to say that I say what people want to hear. I don’t agree with that, but, everyone is entitled to their opinion.

I love my friends. I support people. I pray for people. I can “get behind” a lot of kooky ideas if it’s something someone feels strongly about. I cannot get behind bad choices that will ultimately hurt the person I care about or others. I apologize to those of you who know that this applies to you, but you must know the truth.

As we near the end of 2006, I have to say that this year has been a pretty significant year of “cleaning house,” so to speak. I am not a person who believes that because you are friends with someone at one point in time that they are meant to be your friend forever. We must always assess the viability of relationships, their health, and their focus.

I have let go of people who just weren’t “with” me anymore. I wish them all nothing but the very best and every blessing from God. Believe that. It’s true. There is not one ounce of anger or bad blood, just release.

Do you have people who need to let go of? Any toxic relationships that just don’t bear the fruit they used to? Think about it, pray about it. You are allowed to say good-bye. That doesn’t make you a bad person, that doesn’t make you unholy. It makes you a real human being, who, at the end of the day, is doing something good for the both of you. Your energies will be better spent on yourself, your Lord, and the people who really need you.

All apologies...

Thanks to Jim for finally being the one to let me know that I had accidentally switched the comment enabler off and everyone was being told they had to be "approved" before their comments would go through. That should be fixed now, so comment away!!

No wonder I haven't had a single comment in so long!

If anyone notices anything weird again, please just e-mail me at the regular e-mail address to let me know! Thanks!

Oh, and Jim, I do still want to know about good husbands and fathers...

Caution--Work in progress!

I am realizing that I still have such a long way to go. I always tell people that I am one of the biggest works in progress that God has going and I think people often just think that I’m trying to be cute or falsely humble, but I’m really not. I mean it.

I still like to be in control too much. I like having all the answers.

See, I am the person that people come to for answers. I am the one who they seek out for advice. I love being a source of help and strength to others—it’s one of the greatest blessings in my life. However, when I don’t know something, I hate it. I don’t mean that in a know-it-all fact kind of way, but just in a general life process way. I don’t like not knowing what my future holds. The rub is that I am perfectly happy knowing the Lord has it all planned out and I am 100% confident that no matter what happens in the future, that the Lord will use every situation for my ultimate good, even if bad on the surface, but I still want to know what. I find tremendous joy in all that I have in the present. I just want to know what’s going to come in the future.

See? I still need to work on my relationship with God. God still needs to work on me.

I'll Take What's Left of Him...

Last Sunday Kathy and I went to her family’s house in Ocean City, NJ and spent the night. The weather was totally gorgeous and we had a good time. It was kind of a “last hurrah” weekend there and all of the boardwalk merchants had big sidewalk sales. We just walked up and down the length of the boardwalk and shopped. I actually got a few Christmas gifts out of the way! It was one of those days where I literally had not a care in the world. Time wasn’t important—I was totally focused on the moment I was in. It was really great.

The Eagles game started at 4 and we got back to the house in time to watch the first half. At the end of the first half the Eagles were losing by a few points but we have to leave to head into Atlantic City to see Nick Lachey.

On our way there, Kathy took me to see Lucy the Elephant in Margate. I had never heard of Lucy before (my family is a Cape May/Wildwood family, so I’ve never been to Margate) Lucy’s a big elephant that used to be a hotel and now you can take tours inside her and whatnot. It was weird, but interesting to see.

I was very excited to see my love Nick Lachey, however, once we were in our seats I realized I’d have to go right on waiting to see him because he had not one, but two opening acts. One of the opening acts was the “jilted Annie.” (She was cast as Annie on Broadway some years ago and then right before it opened she was replaced by her understudy. I believe she either planned to sue or did sue). Her name is Joanna, or, as I like to call her “Jo-Annie.” (I just love being corny!)
Finally, Nick came out. It was a good show—he even took us way back in time and sang a couple 98 Degrees songs. He congratulated us on the Eagles winning (I already knew they won because I text messaged Jarred to find out during one of the opening acts). The crowd was good, not many little girls at all—in fact I only saw one group of six little girls. (They surely didn’t know any of the 98 Degrees songs!) They were with four grown women (I guess some of the moms?). One of the women needed to be part of my shawl ministry I discussed a couple of months ago because her chest was almost completely exposed—not the best influence for six little girls, I wouldn’t imagine, but I’m going to try to not judge. It did catch mine and Kathy’s eye though—whether we wanted it to or not. I suppose that was her goal from the start anyway (well, maybe not to catch our eye, but to catch someone’s eye). There were a lot of mother/daughter duos (women around my age and their moms) and there were far more men than you would have ever imagined. There are lots of really good boyfriends and husbands out there!

Also, I just love The Office. I thought I would randomly throw that out there.

Have a great weekend!

Trying to catch up...

I am so many stories behind in talking to you guys! I can’t believe that I am just now finally getting around to telling you guys about my visit to CT to visit LC and Darryl. Time flies and I have been running around a lot, but in a much more relaxed way than a few weeks ago, for sure!

So, I came home from Chicago at 12:30 AM on a Friday morning. I was off that day and rested up and then by 9am the next day I had to be at my first class for my diocesan certification in youth ministry. The class was from 9am to 3:30pm and then directly from class I drove to CT.

I got to see the usual cast of characters and I loved it. Over the many years that I have known and loved LC, I have met all of her family and dear friends, so know them all very well. Something that totally warms my heart is the fact that LC’s friend from high school, Andria ALWAYS makes sure she gets to see me when I go visit. She drives a distance (now that LC is in CT and not in NY anymore) to spend time with me and I am just always so touched by that.

I got a glimpse of their mean neighbor. I literally ducked when I saw her because I didn’t want to risk her identifying me with LC and Darryl and slashing my tires too. What a coward move on my part!

We went to see LC’s sister and brother-in-law, their little girl Daniella, and their brand-new baby girl, Gabriella. I love seeing babies when they are brand-new. It’s a shame because Robin does all the hard work of delivering these babies and both of the girls look exactly like her husband. That figures! There is hope though because I looked like my mom when I was little and now as an adult I look like my dad, so the girls can change!

On Sunday while I was there, LC took me to my very first Yankees game. I got to see Yankees stadium and it was perfect. It wasn’t too warm and no one who had tickets around us showed up so we weren’t crowded or anything. It was raining the whole time we drove there, but then the sun came out and it was beautiful. I have a certain baseline level of interest in sports, but this baseball game did exponentially renew my interest in Derek Jeter!

The game was great alone time for LC and I to chat. After the game we went to her parent’s house and they took us out to dinner. Now that she is married and no longer lives near her parents I rarely get to see them, so that was a huge treat.

I drove home on Monday morning after rush hour was over. A great trip all the way around.

Next time, I have to tell you guys all about the Nick Lachey concert!

Today is my dear daddy’s 59th birthday. Please say a prayer for him today that he have good health and happiness.

Back and better than ever (sort of)

Usually I like to say to people that “I’m back and better than ever” when I see them or speak to them after an absence. The problem is that right now I am not feeling “better than ever” and I attribute it solely to the fact that E and I were sitting on planes going nowhere for hours on end (literally) during our trip to and from Chicago. I have a cold, and I never get sick, so I needed to find something to blame this on! I’m a little cranky right now.

(I also have a lot to say about my trip to visit LC and Darryl, which also occurred over the past week, but I’ll focus on Chicago here since that trip came first.)

We flew United and let me tell you that they have never been good to me in terms of timeliness. At the gate were told that the flight out to Chicago was on time. We all got on the plane and once we were seated and belted in we were told that our “wheels up” time was not for another hour and 20 minutes. If anything good was to be gained from us sitting in stale air with no ventilation or circulation all that time, was the fact that E and I were given the gift of a new catch phrase. We now use “wheels up” to refer to something good or cool behavior. On that flight, at least E and I were across the aisle from one another so we could talk and whatnot.

In Chicago, we stayed at a great hotel downtown. We had some light dinner and then we went out. E had researched where to go on a Wednesday night so we had some good leads. The first place we went to was closed. The second was dead, but the bartender there was very cool and he told us where we should go instead. He was Lithuanian, so E and he spoke a little bit of Russian to one another. We went to a place he told us about and we had a really good time. The next morning, we walked all around the downtown area and I really realized for the first time that they don’t call Chicago the “windy city” for nothing!

Our meeting went well, and then we were heading back to the airport. The same fellow who picked us up from the airport also drove us back. We were in a lot of traffic, so he and E spoke at length about music and it turns out that our driver was a pretty well known DJ named Lee Farmer.

Going home we ran into delays due to weather trouble back in Philly. Again we were trapped sitting on the still plane. This time, I was sitting behind E, so couldn’t speak to him. A Protestant pastor sat next to E and the two of them spoke almost literally without stopping, the entire way home. E wonders why he prays to God for a Jewish wife and all God gives him are Christians.