Last August, my college roommate got married. To the right you will see a picture from that very happy day. Don't they look beautiful? I hope she won't mind that I posted it here, but since she is one of only a few very loyal readers, she will see it very soon and let me know if it's not OK!
The intention of this post is to discuss marriage and being comfortable and to say how happy she is (not seems, but is) to be married to this man.
But, because I have seen a fair bit of it recently among people I know, I am also going to mention divorce. Don't worry, I'll keep it short because I don't want to be a buzz kill. This marriage was a second marriage for both Stephanie and Darren. I know they see each other as each other's partner and spouse and have gone to great lengths to be together. I am sure that despite the fact that the pain of divorce touched their lives in the past they have no intention of spending the rest of their lives having their marriage referred to as a "second" marriage, he is her "second" husband, etc. They are simply married--no number attached to it. And they are happy.
I think to myself about what I would do if I waited this long in my life to get married (as I am no young gal anymore) and my marriage didn't work out. I believe that's one reason why I am not married. I say I have no intention of getting divorced, so I will wait as long as I have to, or never get married, if that's they way it should be or as God intends. However, I can tell you that Stephanie never had any intention of getting divorced either. Who does? Stephanie fought for her marriage to work. The problem with that is that both people in the marriage have to be willing to do that and if one person isn't willing to fight and work, then what are you to do?
It's a tough spot--Obviously, I think about it a lot because from a Church perspective because we avoid divorce at all costs and then, if possible, seek an annulment to prove the sacrament of marriage never actually took place for whatever reason. Annulments don't get doled out easily though--it's quite an arduous process of paperwork and interviewing to obtain one. That's quite a lot to go through on top of the pain of a marriage ending.
OK, enough about divorce. Moving back to happiness and partnership...Come with me!
Do I believe every person has one soulmate we wind up with? No, I don't. I have never been that much of a romantic. What I believe isn't exactly unromantic though...I believe that we each have a small number of people, both men and women, who we are meant to know and be close to--intimate friends, confidants, and so on, and hopefully, you marry one of these people. So, I believe we have a handful of soulmates, not just one. Hey, it gives us better odds in the long run, so I don't think it's a bad way of thinking!
I believe that Stephanie is now married to one of those people for her and I only spent a couple of hours with him. I may not really know Darren, but I have known Stephanie for over 15 years though (and lived with her in a small space for 2 of those years!) and she was the most comfortable I have ever seen her. It was that simple. She was just comfortable. Think about what a true feeling of comfort feels like and looks like and makes you behave. It's calm and simple and fresh and true.
That's how Stephanie is being married to Darren. That's a feeling that I'd love to see last forever for her, and for anyone else who can work the odds in their favor and find one of the handful of people they are truly meant to know in this life.
May God bless Stephanie and Darren as they approach their first year anniversary, and all married couples who work hard every day to keep their unions strong.
May He also bless though who are going through the pain of losing someone they thought they would be with forever for one reason or another.
And may God also bless us who have yet to find the one with whom we will be our most "comfortable" and lead us one day into their outstretched arms.
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