Rejection stinks!

A lot of times when we think of rejection we think of being rejected by a boyfriend or girlfriend (or someone we wish was our boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc). You know, the whole jilted lover thing...

Not being a huge risk taker I haven’t experienced huge amounts of rejection in that area (but, not being a risk taker I also haven’t experienced the highest of highs of love either…we’ll need to discuss that some time too, add it to my growing list of topics!).

I can tell you, however, that I was rejected twice in the course of 8 days by two different people. I would classify both of these people as friends. One was a former very close friend who I only recently reestablished contact with after over a year of no communication and the other was someone who I would classify as a close acquaintance.

In both cases I was very blatantly rejected and made to feel like dirt (not purposefully I am sure, but I felt that way nonetheless). I was essentially told, in different ways, that these people didn’t want to be around me or speak to me because they didn’t feel good about it (in one case) or wouldn’t want to hear what I might or might not have to say (in the other).

Can I tell you something? 1. I am not used to being treated that way or feeling that way, and I didn’t like it one bit. 2. It really made me want to look at myself and think about what about me made them respond that way. What do I need to work on inside myself to make not only these people, but everyone, feel more loved?

Rejection hurts. But in this case it’s giving me an opportunity to pray more for the hurt places inside these two people that are obviously there and to pray for the hurt places inside me that might not be giving these people what they need from me.

And if I can become better from this, I mean really and truly a better person, then I can take a little bit of rejection (emphasis on little bit!!)

What the #/!!@#?

In the years after my deeper conversion and commitment to Catholicism, I made a lot of changes in my behavior, and still do so. Some changes I struggle with, some were fairly easy to change, with God’s help.

One of those “easy to change” behaviors was cursing. I never cursed like a sailor or anything like that, so I think that was one reason that I didn’t have a really hard time stopping.

Now, I will admittedly still let the occasional “a-hole” fly out of my mouth (or not so occasional as E claims, he says it’s my favorite word, but I think he also exaggerates. He monitors my language very closely and gives me horribly disapproving looks when I say anything out of line—he curses even less than I do, so I guess he’s a good one to be the monitor. He also monitors my pronunciation and usage of all words on the day to day, but that’s for another post). I can’t tell you the last time I said the mother of all curse words.

I am not offended when I hear other people curse here and there, if anything, it’s just something that I personally see as an unattractive trait (and that goes for both men and women).

When someone curses all the time, I feel like there is some reason why this person must feel like they need to go there and stay there, so to speak. It’s as if they have a difficult time finding another way to express themselves in real words, so they resort to cursing, or they are feeling anger/resentment/you name it and they have no other way to get it out.

I say all of this because I was very struck by this when I went to see Jarred on Saturday. He curses a lot without even batting an eye. Now, I’m not judging him at all, he certainly isn’t the only person I know and love who does so, and again, HE didn’t bat an eye. I, on the other hand, could feel myself visibly flinch when he would say some of the words he chose.

Weird, isn’t it? I tried to think of why I never noticed it before—I have known him since I was 5 (but he didn’t curse back then!) and although I may not literally see him often, we do speak often enough that I should be used to what words he chooses—so why did it take him moving away for me to notice his language? Maybe some people curse more in person than on the phone? My reaction was also interesting to me—when some people curse I don’t even think twice and with him I was literally flinching—maybe because I don’t expect him to?

Anyway, despite all that :) it was really great to see Jarred and spend time with him on his new turf. He is hanging in there and looking for a new job. He is open to winding up wherever the new job is—even if that means moving again so soon. Please keep him in your prayers.

Happy birthday to Kathy today. Please say a prayer for the birthday girl as well.

Overwhelmed, in a good way

Wow, I just really don't know where to begin today. I am feeling very overwhelmed by life right now, but in a good way.

For a while now, I have had so many emotions floating right at the surface (for those of you who know me the question is more likely, when haven't my emotions been right at the surface?). I'm laughing, I'm crying, I'm really living this life that God has given me, and it feels good and feels right.

Perhaps sometimes when you really start living life more to the full that you see that you may have gone through a period of time where you didn't. I think that's definitely true in my case.

My friend Wyndee needs to have a little surgery soon. I have offered to take a day off from work when the time comes to do whatever she might need of me (in my larger effort to more properly take care of others), but I don't know if she is going to take me up on the offer. I hope she does.

I am going to visit Jarred for the day tomorrow. I really feel like I need to physically be there with him in order to properly assess what's going on. Things have not panned out exactly as we had hoped, but when in life do they? I have to see his face and walk in his apartment and see the things that he sees on the day to day. And then and only then can we sit down and discuss what comes next.

I'm watching a person I love develop a romantic relationship he's in into something really meaningful and it fills my heart in a way that I can't describe because it's something that I have spent much time on my knees in prayer about and now I get to see what my answered prayer looks like (well, I guess I don't technically know what the answered prayer looks like since I haven't met his lady yet, but...). What a blessing that is!

God, the giver of all good things, keeps on giving me opportunities for greatness. I just have to be willing to take them when they are offered. Work is required, but the reward can't be beat!