A Case of the Ex

I was at a first birthday party on Saturday afternoon. I went early to help my girlfriend set up (they were having a BBQ) and had to leave about an hour into the festivities because I had to serve as an extraordinary minister of holy communion at the 5pm mass (I would have tried to get a substitute, but I was the substitute!)

I knew that my one of my ex-boyfriends would likely be there. It was through this girlfriend of mine and her husband that I met my ex. He and I were in their wedding party and were partners. We met back in 1999, before I fully converted and committed myself to all the teaching of Mother Church. He was my longest relationship--almost 2 years. He was an interesting guy, unlike anyone I ever dated before or since, very different from me on almost every level, but it worked. We always had a good time, but we didn't want to marry one another. We could have "dated" forever probably, but what good would that have done either of us? We broke up in 2001. I call it an amicable split, for sure, but I did make it clear that I am the type of gal that makes a clean break, and doesn't remain friends, etc (I already have more than my fair share of friends, praise God). He was my boyfriend--we were not friends before we started dating, and, we were so different from one another, I just couldn't see us being friends after. At that time I stated that I hoped he would get back together with and marry his first love (I had met her while I was dating him and felt they were really suited for one another for the long term).

Guess what? He did marry her. I was truly pleased to hear it because they are a real match. He and I have no contact in the present day other than when we see each other at birthday parties, baptisms, etc, for my girlfriend's family. It's odd in that he is the only ex of mine that I ever see at all, and I only ever see him at these events and no where else because he and his wife now live in north Jersey.

Because we have no contact, I don't think about him on the day to day. Keep in mind, we broke up 5 years ago. That's a long time and I have indeed dated a few men in the past 5 years (one would hope!) As more years passed, we spoke less and less at these events that we would see one another...Shortly after he and I broke up we made an effort to sit and catch up and hug and kiss. As more time passed and he and his now wife got back together and were dating again, I made a point to speak to both of them, heck, she and I used to kiss on the lips when we would see one another (and not in a fake way). But, as more time passed, it became less and less because they became farther and farther removed from my life...

On Saturday, I waved to them. Yes, that's right. All I did was wave. Hey, at least I waved--he looked so uncomfortable when he walked in the door he looked like he wanted to disappear (he always has--that is until I used to go over and make a fuss to try to make him feel more comfortable--then 4 more years went by and I stopped caring as much).

They were only there for 10 minutes and then I had to leave. They walked in--one about 30 seconds behind the other--and I was on the other side of the room. When he looked over at me we locked eyes and I smiled and waved. He waved back. I repeated the excerise with his wife. I felt content with that.

Here's the rub. No one can understand how any of this can be. No one can seem to understand that time heals all, that sometimes when enough time and space gets in between two people that you actually start to forget about them. Why on earth am I not allowed to have realized that my life is far better than it has ever been 5 years after him than it was with him. Wouldn't you want that for me? Or do people prefer drama (which I loathe and loathe more and more the more I allow Christ into my heart)? Does that mean I made a bad decision to date him for 2 years? Absolutely not. It means that my life continues to get better and better and Lord knows I hope his has too.

When I left apparantly everyone wanted to know, "Did they speak?" My answer (if anyone had actually asked me instead of asking one another after I left), "Five years, people, FIVE YEARS. Why would anyone even care after 5 years? If we don't, why do you?"

An interesting point to note: Right after he and I broke up was when I began to allow the Lord to enter my life in a real and meaningful way. He had nothing to do with it directly, but in essence, had everything to do with it indirectly (that's for another post).

Life never ceases to be interesting and God never ceases to be funny. Praise you Lord!

I want to pray for my ex and his wife and their marriage this day, especially, that they will come to really let the Lord into their lives (especially my ex, I don't know his wife well enough to comment on her). Lord, hear our prayer .

When do we become our parents? (Subtitle: When did I become an actual grown-up?)

I stopped at Shop Rite this morning on my way to see my parents. While there, I bumped into a woman I went to high school with. She was a senior when I was a freshman. She has a brother one year younger than me and we grew up on the same street but pretty far away from another (our street was LONG!). Great girl--very bright and nice to everyone. Our conversation went like this:

Me: "Hey, how are you?"

Her: "Great, how are you? How are you parents?" (we knew one another's parents loosely since our town was not that big)

Me: "Oh, they're fine, thanks. How's everyone on you end?"

Her: "Oh, you know--everyone's still breathing!" She laughed.

I smiled. Me: "And how are your kids?" I know she has 2 of them.

Her: "There're great because they're at home! I told everyone I just HAD to go to the supermarket. I figure that gives me about 2 hours to myself!" She had a cup of coffee with her.

Me: "Well, enjoy you time--and enjoy your coffee. Take care"

Her: "You too hon, take care!"

As I walked away I thought to myself that she reminded me of someone. When I walked through the automatic sliding doors, it hit me who she reminded me of. Her mother. The interaction we had just shared (which I found to be perfectly pleasant) reminded me of her mom and the few, short, friendly interactions I had had with her mom over the years. Then that got me thinking. Was I my mom? Do I say things that my mom used to say or still says? Do I interact with others the way she did and does? Am I glad about this or not glad about this. My mom is a well-liked lady, but I want to be my own me and not the next version of her.

If so, when did this happen to me? Or more so, when in the world did I become a real grown-up? I don't feel like a true real grown-up, maybe because I am not married yet and don't have kids (but if I was married and had kids would I say I didn't feel like a grown-up for another reason?). When did I become one? I was just at Great Adventure 2 weeks ago riding all the roller coasters and I did not bring any children with me there (instead I brought 2 grown men).

Am I in limbo? And what makes a grown-up REAL?

I guess you never know what's going to give you food for thought on any given day. A two-minute run-in with fellow high school alumni is sometimes all it takes, I guess.

Today please pray for my high school classmate and her young family. Also, I don't want to get political here, but I do hope that we are all praying for the Middle East situation (especially because Pope B XVI has requested we do so in a big way). Lord, hear our prayer.

Nick Lachey...and my dad...

Is it more than just borderline pathetic that I have actually allowed myself to sit and wonder about the steps that would be needed for Nick Lachey and me to be able to get married?

I mean, if he gets an annulment (that's necessary in order for our marriage to be valid) and converts to Catholicism (I do hope my husband will be Catholic, although if it's God will for me to marry a non-Catholic then he obviously will show me why and how that can work out) our union is possible. He could even submit the DVDs of the Newlyweds show to the tribunal to use as evidence so the annulment can be granted.

Hey, a girl can have her crushes. Even grown up girls like me.

I am hoping to be able to see Nick at the Borgata in Atlantic City in October. Kathy has graciously agreed to go with me. I'll be sure to let you know if we're the oldest people in the audience, although, I doubt that will be the case. He's my age, after all...

Onto my dad, who is always hilarious. I told my dad that I wanted to see Nick Lachey at the Borgata and my dad said, 'Isn't he divorced?"

I replied, "Yes, but Dad, I'm not going to marry him (totally lying after admiting my master plan above)."

"Oh," said my Dad, as if all I had to do was say the word if I did want Nick Lachey to marry me and it would happen. My loving father thinks I am one of the most beautiful, intelligent, and funny women alive (next to my mother of course). If only every man felt that way!

Mom is home from the hospital and doing great--taking lots of naps but feeling good. Thank you all for your love and concern, my mom is really touched. My dad jokingly asked me to look up caregiver support groups online for him because he's been running around and running errands and taking care of mom. As if he would need a support group after only one day, I mean, let's give it a least a week before we go that route :)

I got a kind e-mail from my old pal John this week who has been reading the blog. He is requesting prayers for both of his parents' health, his sister's upcoming wedding, and a dear friend in PA. I'll be praying for them and I ask everyone to please pray over these requests as well. Lord, hear our prayer.

Kids...

I deal with kids the same way I deal with adults. I treat them like little people, because that's how I was always treated by my parents. I was never treated like a little baby.

When I meet a new person I usually can discern a lot about where the interaction will go very quickly. I owe it to the fact that I am a good read of people right at the outset (and I owe that to the Holy Spirit!). There are people I have literally loved from the first few minutes I spoke to them (we'll explore some of them here). Others, I know I will never really click with (we won't bother exploring them too much).

Now you may wonder how in the world I can get get a "read" on a baby, I mean, sure, a little kid you probably can, but a baby? I can and I do. Some kids I love the minute I see them, others, not so much.

Two strong examples of immediate baby love over the past few years are my friend Caroline's first-born who is going to turn 4 in October. The first time I saw him I fell in love with him (and still am in love with him because now as an almost-4-year-old he is polite, kind, smart, and very adorable!). Another more recent example is the new daughter of my friends Andy and Jeanine--the minute Andy put her in my arms I literally fell in love with that little girl. She screamed her head off for a good amount of the time I was with her and I still fell in love with her. She is going to be a good friend of mine for years to come.

I give this background because I had a similar but different siutaion recently when I had the opportunity to visit my high school friend, Trish, and her husband and son, in Ohio for a short vacation. Trish has been in Ohio for about 9 years now and I had never been out there to see her. I still live in the town where her family lives, so I have seen her when she has come back here, but I had never been there.

She has a 4-year-old son that I only met once before when she had come home (he was about 1 and he was asleep when I met him). This time, I had 5 days to live with him and really get to know him. He was a delight. I truly enjoyed his company--and again, he is only 4. I liked the clever and funny things he had to say, I liked that he was a good listener, I liked that he was so good and well- behaved in church (heck, if he was about 28 years older, I'd marry him!). He kept up with us in all of our sight-seeing, it was great.

When I was leaving Ohio, I was sitting in the airport waiting for my flight and I told my friend on the phone that spending time with that little boy made me want to be a mother. For the first time in my life I knew that I wanted to have a family of my own. The trip, which I just expected to be relaxing and calm, really wound up being a very powerful experience for me.

I got an e-mail from Trish this week and she said that she and her son were talking about me the other day and he said to her, "Mom, do you miss Lori, because I sure do."

Hearing that a precious 4 year old who has only spent 5 days of his entire life with me not only remembers who I am but misses me opens my heart wider to the world. It reminds me that that is why we are in the world, why God gives us people to love in all kinds of ways, and why I want to try to become better and better all the time.

This, my friends, is why we are here.

Today, please pray that Kathy's job interviews are a success and she gets a job where her employers know they are lucky to hire such a well-educated and wonderful woman as she.

My Mom is a tough bird...

"Stable as a rock" is how the surgeon described her. She came through her surgery like a champ. She's a very funny lady, my mom. Lots of times I think I am more like my dad and get my sense of humor from him, but other times I am not so sure. Some examples of her work from last night after she was brought back from recovery include:

She was brought to her room around 9pm and she said she was really tired. I told her that she should just let herself fall asleep then, since it was bedtime and all. She just looked at me and said, "Yeah, your bedtime!" (totally making fun of the fact that I go to bed very early during the work week!)

My father told her she looked good (meaning not worse for the wear after her surgery) and she answered, "It's because I'm so tan."

Glory and praise to God for my mother's successful surgery and for her continued healing!

Prayer requests for today: Thanksgiving to God for my mother's successful surgery and continued healing, and for the families my father and I encountered in the family waiting room at the hospital yesterday and the recovery of their loved ones.

An interesting thing happened on the train...

I take the train to and from work each day and am on the train for about 30 minutes each way. On the way to work I normally read and on the way home I pray. I've been praying on the way home for about 6 months or so now because I have found that it's a good set amount of time that I can focus silently without interruption.

I pray a rosary, an additional decade of a rosary for the decade I am assigned in Universal Living Rosary Association (you can find out more about this at www.philomena.org), and a Divine Mercy Chaplet. (Anyone who doesn't know what any of these things are can feel free to ask and I'll gladly go into more detail.) The amount of time it takes to do all of those things is about 25 minutes, so it works out perfectly. When I do it, I do it pretty obviously--I'm making the sign of the cross at the start and end of each of the three things, I'm kissing my crucifix each time I make the sign of the cross, my rosary beads are clanging a little bit, I tend to move my mouth when pray (with no sound coming out).

All these months I've figured that I'm either serving as a good witness or people on the train will just think I'm some sort of loon. I'm happy with either impression I make, truthfully.

No one has ever commented to me, good or bad, about what I'm doing. No one, that is until I was taking the train home on Friday.

I was sitting near the window and at one stop an older woman who seemingly had just enjoyed a day out with a friend sat next to me (the friend sat in front of us). I prayed and she sat silently the whole way to my stop. When we reached my stop I turned to her and smiled and said, "Excuse me."

She stood up and said, "Thank you for praying, you've reminded me to."

Anyone who knows me knows that despite the very healthy level of self-confidence I have, I recoil at verbal praise. In all my "eloquence," I said, "Oh..." Luckily, she continued talking.

"I'm sure God must be very pleased." Even worse, because now she was daring to suppose what God might think about me, something that I don't even do!

"I can only hope so," I replied and smiled again.

"You're a wonderful witness to others. Have a blessed day" she said. I managed a kind "Thank you, you too," and got off the train.

It made me think. If I want to be a good witness, then I need to be willing to hear what people have to say in response to my witness, either good or bad. I'm not witnessing for myself, I am witnessing for the Lord. As a witness, I have to be willing to engage in conversation--whether weirdo me is comfortable for not.

Prayer requests for today: Once again, please pray for my mom's surgery tomorrow. Please pray that I can allow God to use me to be a more complete witness to those around in the real world. I am praying for all of the new babies my young adult catholic community has welcomed in recent weeks--3 of them! Please pray that these little ones will grow in their faith through the years and that their parents will have the strength and fortitude they need to raise holy children in a society where holiness is no longer valued.

Holy Boldness is...

I can't pretend that I created the phrase "Holy Boldness," but it's a phrase that I have been using more and more and trying to "live" more and more. It sings to my soul and what I want to be.

For anyone who does not know, I am a cradle Catholic, who really "converted" to the faith during a year-long period of time from 2001-2002. Both me and my life are completely different today than 5 years ago. ALL for the better, praise God. However, I think that sometimes even as we improve ourselves we get complacent and comfortable in certain spots and growth just grinds to a halt.

I was praying before the Blessed Sacrament in my weekly hour of adoration a couple of months back and I kept getting the phrase "holy boldness" as I gazed upon the Eucharist. I know that is what the Lord wants from me.

I've been trying to figure out HOW God wants me to be bold. Then I realized I was limiting myself. He wants me to be bold for Him in all ways. That includes, and is not limited to--my prayer life and self-study; the book that I started writing several months ago that is moving V-E-R-Y slowly, mostly due to disgraceful laziness on my part; the way that I should proclaim God even more in my life and should be showing myself as a good Christian example in my everyday living; they way that I love and treat others; the way that I take care of myself and others; etc. I need boldness all around, people, not just in the comfortable spots.

OK, so now I've realized HOW God wants me to bold and now I realy have to start being bold for God. Part of the problem is that I don't feel that I am held accountable enough for what I do--almost like people let me off easy. We'll explore that here as time goes by. Hopefully those of you reading this can help me in that effort and question me more and expect even more of me. The bottom line remains, however, that I have to hold myself accountable and I have to want more from myself. All with God's help, of course.

So please pray for me to that end, as I always pray for each of you. Other prayer requests right now are for my mom, who is having surgery on Monday, 7/24; for baby Stephen (the newborn baby of a couple I know loosely who was born with the same disease that claimed the life of his older baby brother less than 2 years ago--they are requesting that folks pray for the intercession of Pope John Paul II for a miraculous healing); and for my friends Judy and Paul, who both celebrate their 31st birthdays on 7/23.

She tentatively enters the world of blogging...

Here I go with my very first post on my new blog.

I start this for the same reason a lot of people do (I'm guessing, I'm not really a part of the blog scene, so who knows?). I have a lot of friends in a lot of places who travel in a lot of different circles and I always want everyone to know what's going on and what I'm doing. I feel like posting a blog might actually be a little easier than e-mailing out so much information all the time.

Most likely I'll find that I'm starting this blog for one reason and eventually it will evolve into something else entirely. Part of the journey, I am sure.

I call myself CatholicLady because that's what I am--I am Catholic and I am a lady. Both are important parts of who I am. Holy Boldness has become my motto. I will tell you more about all of this very soon. In the meantime, stay tuned, both new friends and old.