Who cares?

People don’t really care about people anymore, or so it seems.

It makes me sad. Folks can say a lot of things about me, because I am far from perfect, believe me, but one thing that I am is a listener. More important than just listening is that I then remember what people say to me. They go hand in hand really, because if you are truly, actively listening to what another human being is saying to you, you will remember it when they cross your mind or you see them later.

Maybe it strikes me as a sad indicator of where our society is headed today because it’s one thing (maybe one of the very few things) that I do very well and it's something at which so many others are poor. Maybe I’m especially sensitive because several people (not just one, so don't assume this is "you") have “forgotten” me and what's important in my life several times very recently. I have had people make sure they remember to tell me blow by blow details of the smallest things in their lives that I have remembered to follow-up with them on and ask them about and genuinely care about it and meanwhile big events in my own life have been forgotten and/or never asked about.

I think it's a sign of how self absorbed we all are.

Now, OK, admittedly I am a single woman with no children, I have a solid job that I am blessed to enjoy, a safe home, and new car. I have two healthy parents who I have a good relationship with and like. I realize that I may be in a better position to “remember” what’s going on in the lives of others because I am blessed enough to not have a lot of hard times weighing on me at present, praise Jesus. One could argue he or she has too many other things weighing them down to remember me and my life and maybe I’m being self absorbed. And to that I might say OK, I hear you and understand (for a finite period of time, at least!). What about people in the same boat as me without a lot weighing them down that still can’t be bothered? What’s their excuse?

I’m not trying to be a cry baby here (although I know I sure sound like one!). I am trying to figure out in my mind how you make something like this improve on a large scale instead of just standing by and watching it become worse and worse. You know that I personally have no problem with telling people when they have disappointed me and I do so. But what about all of the other disappointed people who won’t speak up for whatever reason? What about the people who don’t take the time to care about others and invest in what’s important to them—will they ever be able to truly share their lives, their homes, their dreams with another person? Is man actually able to be “an island” after all?

Is selfishness another reason why relationships don’t work out today? Or has everyone always been self-absorbed and I’m just finally catching on?

I think it stinks. And I don’t like it. Despite the fact that I am disappointed by those closest to me in addition to everyone else I know from time to time, I will persevere, and I will not stop caring and listening and asking and following up. I won’t change that part of me.

The people we are supposed to know...

Last August, my college roommate got married. To the right you will see a picture from that very happy day. Don't they look beautiful? I hope she won't mind that I posted it here, but since she is one of only a few very loyal readers, she will see it very soon and let me know if it's not OK!

The intention of this post is to discuss marriage and being comfortable and to say how happy she is (not seems, but is) to be married to this man.

But, because I have seen a fair bit of it recently among people I know, I am also going to mention divorce. Don't worry, I'll keep it short because I don't want to be a buzz kill. This marriage was a second marriage for both Stephanie and Darren. I know they see each other as each other's partner and spouse and have gone to great lengths to be together. I am sure that despite the fact that the pain of divorce touched their lives in the past they have no intention of spending the rest of their lives having their marriage referred to as a "second" marriage, he is her "second" husband, etc. They are simply married--no number attached to it. And they are happy.

I think to myself about what I would do if I waited this long in my life to get married (as I am no young gal anymore) and my marriage didn't work out. I believe that's one reason why I am not married. I say I have no intention of getting divorced, so I will wait as long as I have to, or never get married, if that's they way it should be or as God intends. However, I can tell you that Stephanie never had any intention of getting divorced either. Who does? Stephanie fought for her marriage to work. The problem with that is that both people in the marriage have to be willing to do that and if one person isn't willing to fight and work, then what are you to do?

It's a tough spot--Obviously, I think about it a lot because from a Church perspective because we avoid divorce at all costs and then, if possible, seek an annulment to prove the sacrament of marriage never actually took place for whatever reason. Annulments don't get doled out easily though--it's quite an arduous process of paperwork and interviewing to obtain one. That's quite a lot to go through on top of the pain of a marriage ending.

OK, enough about divorce. Moving back to happiness and partnership...Come with me!

Do I believe every person has one soulmate we wind up with? No, I don't. I have never been that much of a romantic. What I believe isn't exactly unromantic though...I believe that we each have a small number of people, both men and women, who we are meant to know and be close to--intimate friends, confidants, and so on, and hopefully, you marry one of these people. So, I believe we have a handful of soulmates, not just one. Hey, it gives us better odds in the long run, so I don't think it's a bad way of thinking!

I believe that Stephanie is now married to one of those people for her and I only spent a couple of hours with him. I may not really know Darren, but I have known Stephanie for over 15 years though (and lived with her in a small space for 2 of those years!) and she was the most comfortable I have ever seen her. It was that simple. She was just comfortable. Think about what a true feeling of comfort feels like and looks like and makes you behave. It's calm and simple and fresh and true.

That's how Stephanie is being married to Darren. That's a feeling that I'd love to see last forever for her, and for anyone else who can work the odds in their favor and find one of the handful of people they are truly meant to know in this life.

May God bless Stephanie and Darren as they approach their first year anniversary, and all married couples who work hard every day to keep their unions strong.

May He also bless though who are going through the pain of losing someone they thought they would be with forever for one reason or another.

And may God also bless us who have yet to find the one with whom we will be our most "comfortable" and lead us one day into their outstretched arms.