A Case of the Ex

I was at a first birthday party on Saturday afternoon. I went early to help my girlfriend set up (they were having a BBQ) and had to leave about an hour into the festivities because I had to serve as an extraordinary minister of holy communion at the 5pm mass (I would have tried to get a substitute, but I was the substitute!)

I knew that my one of my ex-boyfriends would likely be there. It was through this girlfriend of mine and her husband that I met my ex. He and I were in their wedding party and were partners. We met back in 1999, before I fully converted and committed myself to all the teaching of Mother Church. He was my longest relationship--almost 2 years. He was an interesting guy, unlike anyone I ever dated before or since, very different from me on almost every level, but it worked. We always had a good time, but we didn't want to marry one another. We could have "dated" forever probably, but what good would that have done either of us? We broke up in 2001. I call it an amicable split, for sure, but I did make it clear that I am the type of gal that makes a clean break, and doesn't remain friends, etc (I already have more than my fair share of friends, praise God). He was my boyfriend--we were not friends before we started dating, and, we were so different from one another, I just couldn't see us being friends after. At that time I stated that I hoped he would get back together with and marry his first love (I had met her while I was dating him and felt they were really suited for one another for the long term).

Guess what? He did marry her. I was truly pleased to hear it because they are a real match. He and I have no contact in the present day other than when we see each other at birthday parties, baptisms, etc, for my girlfriend's family. It's odd in that he is the only ex of mine that I ever see at all, and I only ever see him at these events and no where else because he and his wife now live in north Jersey.

Because we have no contact, I don't think about him on the day to day. Keep in mind, we broke up 5 years ago. That's a long time and I have indeed dated a few men in the past 5 years (one would hope!) As more years passed, we spoke less and less at these events that we would see one another...Shortly after he and I broke up we made an effort to sit and catch up and hug and kiss. As more time passed and he and his now wife got back together and were dating again, I made a point to speak to both of them, heck, she and I used to kiss on the lips when we would see one another (and not in a fake way). But, as more time passed, it became less and less because they became farther and farther removed from my life...

On Saturday, I waved to them. Yes, that's right. All I did was wave. Hey, at least I waved--he looked so uncomfortable when he walked in the door he looked like he wanted to disappear (he always has--that is until I used to go over and make a fuss to try to make him feel more comfortable--then 4 more years went by and I stopped caring as much).

They were only there for 10 minutes and then I had to leave. They walked in--one about 30 seconds behind the other--and I was on the other side of the room. When he looked over at me we locked eyes and I smiled and waved. He waved back. I repeated the excerise with his wife. I felt content with that.

Here's the rub. No one can understand how any of this can be. No one can seem to understand that time heals all, that sometimes when enough time and space gets in between two people that you actually start to forget about them. Why on earth am I not allowed to have realized that my life is far better than it has ever been 5 years after him than it was with him. Wouldn't you want that for me? Or do people prefer drama (which I loathe and loathe more and more the more I allow Christ into my heart)? Does that mean I made a bad decision to date him for 2 years? Absolutely not. It means that my life continues to get better and better and Lord knows I hope his has too.

When I left apparantly everyone wanted to know, "Did they speak?" My answer (if anyone had actually asked me instead of asking one another after I left), "Five years, people, FIVE YEARS. Why would anyone even care after 5 years? If we don't, why do you?"

An interesting point to note: Right after he and I broke up was when I began to allow the Lord to enter my life in a real and meaningful way. He had nothing to do with it directly, but in essence, had everything to do with it indirectly (that's for another post).

Life never ceases to be interesting and God never ceases to be funny. Praise you Lord!

I want to pray for my ex and his wife and their marriage this day, especially, that they will come to really let the Lord into their lives (especially my ex, I don't know his wife well enough to comment on her). Lord, hear our prayer .