Farewell Massachusetts Man...

I bid a fond farewell to my Massachusetts pen pal this morning. I thought about it all weekend and I felt it was really for the best. He was not surprised and I can’t say he disagreed.

As I stated in previous posts, he was a nice man with a lot of the qualities that I need to find in a future husband, if I am meant to marry (like living by all of the teachings of the Catholic Church--a partnership with someone who doesn't just wouldn't work, believe me, I have tried to compromise and it leads to disaster and resentment. I'd rather stay single and I mean that in all sincerity!). Believe it or not there are some guys out there that do live lives similar to what mine has been over the past several years--it’s just a matter of finding those guys, because they are few and far between, especially in today’s society!

However, in addition to those obviously critical similarities that we must have in order to be able to create a life together, there are also the other “regular” factors that come into play for two people getting to know each other, for example, am I attracted to him, do we share similar interests and goals, is he funny, etc.

We were on the same page exactly with all of the first area, in the second area it was more difficult to tell. As I had told you guys before, he was so kind and really genuine, but he really seemed to be quite serious. The fact that he was his mom’s sole caregiver (despite having 3 siblings, 2 of which were local) bothered me some. It came across to me that his older, married siblings took the fact that Massachusetts man (hereafter called MM) was unmarried for granted and expected him to bear the complete burden.

I am all for caring for our parents as they age—hey, they raised us—but, this situation was really not good. The mom clearly is suffering from some sort of Alzheimer’s/dementia and they are having trouble getting a doctor to diagnose her. My mom’s mom had Alzheimer’s and I know first-hand how hard it is to care for a person with that disease as it progresses and the patient declines. I am not sure how MM expects to be able to be his mother’s sole caregiver, work a job, and start and raise a family (having a family is his dream). He seems very resistant to relocation, due to his mother (and that being said, he needs to be more upfront about that, especially if he is going to be contacting women who are NOT in Massachusetts). Also, not to be completely selfish, but does a woman who is newly married and looking to start a family want to her have her elderly mother-in-law in the house with her? If I am being truthful, in this situation, I have to say that that I do not think so (but I think I am more inclined to say that because I didn’t really know MM, if I knew a man and loved him and knew his family and circumstances, I think I would/could feel differently about that situation—I’d never ask my husband to ditch his mom for me either, you know?)

Finally, MM never asked me anything of substance. He liked me on the surface—a cute photo and a great profile. He thought I was cute and he knew I was religious. I think he thought that was all it took and we can leave the rest to God. I like to try to leave a lot of the big things to God, but I also like to be an informed consumer! Find out more about me! Ask questions without asking too many questions? Find out about my life, my family, my friends, my job. Ask something. That’s how you really tell someone you are interested, no?

Today I ask that we pray for MM. That his mother get a firm diagnosis on her illness, that he get support and assistance in caring for her, and that the Lord, if it is His will that MM be married, send him a woman who lives locally who could fit in with his situation and be a supportive partner.