Throughout my life I have sometimes been viewed in a negative light because I refuse to support people’s bad decisions.
Now let me be clear in what I am saying. I don’t support people’s bad decisions. That does not mean that I do not support my friends. It simply means that I will not stand by and support bad choices. I can’t pretend that a clearly awful choice is good, and I won’t. It’s simply not right.
I would want someone I care about to start yelling if a speeding train was about to hit me so that I could get out of the way. I do the same for my friends. They sometimes just don’t want to hear the yelling because that “train” is something that they don’t want to admit might hurt them. So be it. Grown adults are allowed to choose what they want to do. But that doesn’t mean I won’t still yell for them to get out of the way. And that doesn’t mean that I have to stand there and watch them get hit.
One thing people can’t call me is a fake. You always get the truth with me in one way or another. Some people (one person in particular who reads this blog is one of them from what I’ve heard, but it doesn’t bother me so please don’t feel weird!) like to say that I say what people want to hear. I don’t agree with that, but, everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I love my friends. I support people. I pray for people. I can “get behind” a lot of kooky ideas if it’s something someone feels strongly about. I cannot get behind bad choices that will ultimately hurt the person I care about or others. I apologize to those of you who know that this applies to you, but you must know the truth.
As we near the end of 2006, I have to say that this year has been a pretty significant year of “cleaning house,” so to speak. I am not a person who believes that because you are friends with someone at one point in time that they are meant to be your friend forever. We must always assess the viability of relationships, their health, and their focus.
I have let go of people who just weren’t “with” me anymore. I wish them all nothing but the very best and every blessing from God. Believe that. It’s true. There is not one ounce of anger or bad blood, just release.
Do you have people who need to let go of? Any toxic relationships that just don’t bear the fruit they used to? Think about it, pray about it. You are allowed to say good-bye. That doesn’t make you a bad person, that doesn’t make you unholy. It makes you a real human being, who, at the end of the day, is doing something good for the both of you. Your energies will be better spent on yourself, your Lord, and the people who really need you.
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4 comments:
Cleaning house is a hard thing to do for me... sometimes I find that I have cleaned up and got it all clean and yet I turn and its comes back... and it is hard for me to say good bye to some people who were close but yet i know it has to be done..
It is hard to suport something that you feel is not the right choice... but there is a difference between not supporting someone and not supporting a choice they make... Being honest is what a friendship should be based on.. if people just use a rubber stamp and give that ok ..."it's your life do what you want" approach then why be friends... we are called to a deeper more honest relationship with not only God and Crew but our brothers and sisters... and I think of the saints and disciples when they told people of Christ. Thats saying Hey!!! That sinful way you are leading isn't good... try this... I don't know maybe I am wrong but I think not.. :)
I appreciate both comments here.
Steph--I understand where you are coming from and your thoughts are right on in the respect that what I may see as a bad decision may not be something the other person sees that way--that is something for me to think about more; however, I have found that when I try to support what I believe in my heart to be a terrible decision for the person I care about (again the decision, not the person) that's when I wind up being fake! "Oh you're marrying a jerk who I have seen treat you mean--Great news! God bless!" And because I am generally not a fake person you can ususally see right through it and know I don't agree anyway! It's Lose-Lose!
I think a lot of times we wind up being "yes" people in an effort to provide what we think is true support and in the end both the giver and the receiver wind up losing. I have done that in the past and it's just never sat right with me. Maybe it was the Holy Spitit prompting me to be more honest.
Jim--I know you think you have a hard time cleaning house, but I don't think you have as hard of a time as you think you do. You know who needs to stay and who needs to go (and that's half the battle!), I think it's just a matter of really severing the ties sometimes, I think.
Yes, judging never works and only leads to hard feelings. Besides, I always say we're all one bad choice/decision away from our own special kind of disaster, so be careful!
Question for everyone though: do you sometimes find that regardless of how hard we try, sometimes, even if we are totally being loving and NOT judging, the mere fact that we disagree with the person's opinion will sometimes automatically classify you as judgmental in their eyes?
A priest that Jim and I and some others know named Fr Bill Halbing always says, "I'm not judging, just observing!!"
Good old Father Bill...... :)
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